I have class tomorrow and tonight is the final preparation. The "did I print that?", "did I write that?", "which book do I pack?" I have numerous books, papers, litanies and even a liturgy this time. I do not want to show up and be asked for a paper and only have a look of dumbfounded confusion on my face!
Laundry is the perfect respite between preparing for each class. The monotony of folding and hanging and putting away gives you ultimate freedom to pray and release. Give it all to God, knowing I am putting in my full effort and doing the best I can at this moment in time.
Lattes are a perfect sweet ending and pick me up! I don't normally splurge but my hubby saw the piles on my desk and noticed I never quite looked up when he was asking me a few questions hence his running out and getting me a Gingerbread Latte - very yummy and just the thing I needed to then move forward and read over my Morning Prayer notes. I am leading tomorrow for my class - and for critique. Some moments I get nervous because I want to do well and then moments where I am not nervous at all knowing I just want to offer my classmates an opportunity to worship in the morning before we begin our studies. I want their prayer time to be fruitful and get them centered on the Spirit. Why else do we even gather?
So as I sipped my latte and folded my laundry and pondered my last paper on Richard Hooker and the via media I began to think again about the Cost of Discipleship and our possessions. I spoke last about our tangible physical possessions and how they can rule our lives and take us away from God. What I didn't explore were the mental possessions, the heart possessions. I was thinking about holding on to fear and anxiety, grief and sorrow, disappointment and bitterness, blame and shame, guilt and ego. Those are possessions too, possessions that can hold on to us and put a stumbling block on our path to discipleship. How about fear of praying out loud and being embarrassed by our love for God?
Had the greatest God moment this morning. It is Friday so the hubby and I went out for breakfast. We pray before we eat and I could feel eyes upon us and two of the tables took up fervent whispering. I tried to block out the thoughts in my head that said "what are they saying?" and instead kept refocusing on my husband's voice and his words of thanksgiving and praise. Letting mental picture images of his words float through my mind and into my heart. Then we began eating and talking and all was normal. Until I looked up and noticed a table of 8 men. Some in suits, some in sweats, all of them earnestly talking and listening and...praising God! It was a men's bible study/fellowship group who were talking to each other about employee/employer sticky situations and being humbled, about families and marriages, about friendships. Weaving into it all was glory for God and human responsibility and effort and discerning God's will.
I realized I was the one who was now staring and wanting to witness all that they were sharing. A witness in the wilderness as they spoke about the costs of discipleship. Alleluia and Amen!
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