Poverty

"We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry,

naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty."

Mother Teresa

The front page of our local paper has an article on the growing need for help among the working poor in our county. Unfortunately I think this will be received as new information to a lot of people. Unfortunately it is not new information and the numbers are growing. Unfortunately money to help them is also running out. It is running out of the county budget and it is running out at the non-profits who are the second line of defense and some times the first.

Being poor is very new for a lot of people. How do you learn to be poor and ask for help? How do you maintain your dignity and respect while you are desperate to keep your heat on and feed your children? Who do you call? When do you call? How do you even make that first call? How do you humble your life into an open book that is poked and prodded by strangers and paper forms that declare whether you are "poor enough" to receive assistance?

I have a friend who is working poor and on the verge of being homeless. My friend has children and is working two jobs to support the family. There is no family network of help to sustain them. My friend is reliant on the kindness of strangers - or as we have spoken - open hands to receive the grace of God. My friend is very aware of the blessings in their life and that the company of angels that surrounds and protects them and leads them to the next safe haven each time crisis beckons at the door. My friend also works very hard, to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. And yet the economics of the situation are not getting better. God forbid one of the children gets sick, they have no health care and the cost of even finding out what the illness is can be detrimental. Not to mention time off of work for care giving.

My friend has gotten some assistance or helping hands - normally at Christmas when there just is no money for presents or food. There is something about the fierce protection of our children and their reality and feeling of worth that enables parents to fill out forms that have the potential to crush their spirit. There are not many programs available that do not probe all of your finances and ask you many personal questions. From the institution aspect it is understandable. There are limited resources and many people in need of those funds, good stewardship is essential.

From a human stance, from a Christ within us stance, we fall to our knees asking God to preserve and protect His children. I would gather to say there are people in your life that are struggling and scared and they do not know how to ask for help without feeling shame or judged. I wonder if the next time you see a child who is struggling- instead of wondering "What is wrong with this kid's parents, what a horrible job they are doing with this kid"; wonder "Where is this child's parent? Did they have to be at work before school even begins? Did they cry on their way to a job as they prayed that their child would be safe and cared for? Did they pray in thanksgiving that their child would be given breakfast and lunch at school as they knew there was no hope for dinner this evening because the heat bill is due and there isn't quite enough, will they be able to get overtime? Can they leave their child for yet another evening, with yet another friend, pretending it is a playdate so no one knows their circumstance?" or ponder another possibility "is the child's one parent running late to work because their spouse is terminally ill and fell trying to get from the bed to the bathroom without asking for help because they did not want to be a burden, knowing their medical bills were such that the family is falling deeper and deeper into debt and chaos as they lay dying and have no possibility of helping and feel ever more a burden even as their body betrays them and gives out."

As individuals we can not help everyone all the time. We can't know every story behind every life. We can not control the outcome of our own day, much less someone else's life, this is the burden that God alone carries. What we can do is empty ourselves to allow God into our lives so that we might live a life free of judgment and full of Love for our neighbor. We can supply the dignity and respect due to every Child of God. We can smile and we can offer a hand up. We can say You are Worthy as you are and just because you are. We can sit with the child who is struggling and ask, "how is your morning going?" We can offer a smile, an open door, a hug, a word of compassion. We can guard our thoughts to keep from saying "I would never and thank God I am not them" (remember our gospel from Luke about the Pharisee and the tax collector) and instead "thank you God that I know them and how would you like me to serve in this moment on this day, let me be your hands and feet, guide my actions in loving my neighbor".

How different would your life look?

How different would your neighbors life look?

How does it make you feel to consider looking beyond what you can see?

How would your spirit feel if you walked by faith and not by sight?

My Sabbath - My Office

Success indeed! 

I went to the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store yesterday and had such a God moment.  I must mention - I HATE shopping, I mean HATE it.  I would rather do just about anything than go shopping.  That being said I enjoy going to the Re-Store and the Thrift stores run by our non-profit homeless shelters to financially sustain our shelters.  They have quirky stuff and you can tell some loved and treasured items. 

You know how I have been praying about a desk and you know that thrift stores of any kind are hit or miss.  I walked in and there it was - my hope chest!  For a year my family has been trying to create just the right hope chest for our front porch.  Every month we put out a family newsletter that shares a tidbit about our family, a tidbit about our county homeless needs and then we do a monthly donation drive for urgent needs.  I found the "just right" chest at the Re-store.  It is perfect.  We are going to paint it.  I am hoping my oldest dd stencils hope chest on it and then I want all the kids to do their hand prints on it.  I can't wait!  All in God's time.  Who would have thought it would take a year to find what we had envisioned from the beginning.

Then, right behind the chest was my desk.  I am not sure I had anything exact in my mind but this desk has 4 filing drawers in it (which I desperately need more filing space for all my ministry and school work, I find the greatest pieces of paper where I have notes written or prayers typed up and need a file to stash everything before I lose it.)  It has a long top surface so I can have my monitor on it and spread out papers to study and still have books on it.  It is not as deep as I would have liked but hey, can't be too picky - especially considering it is the same exact wood and color of the filing cabinet I have in the office!

I thought I would just throw the desk in when I took out the smaller desk, mmm nope.  My hubby thought we needed to completely rearrange the room.  I am wiped out, moving furniture all around the house but he was completely right.  The room isn't "just right" yet, but that just gives me more opportunity to pray about what is missing.  ;-)  I am very excited to work in here.  I am sad to see my comfy chair go.  I know it needed to move out of the room but I miss it already.  It was the perfect sit in with my tea or coffee and watch the sunrise chair. 

Since we were sorting through all my "stuff" here is a prayer I found written on a random piece of paper - definitely filing this one:

"God of superabundant gifts, you return many times more than I can ever dream of.  I am blessed to share in a give-and-take where I can never match in my giving the blessings that return.  All glory and thanks to you."

Amen!

I Love Thursdays

Thursdays I wake up late. I literally roll out of bed just in enough time to throw some type of lunch into the kids backpacks, make sure something has been inhaled for breakfast and walk them to school. Thursday mornings are usually my most tired mornings, it is the only morning I don't have to be up and showered and ready to go. An example of this tired morning - one of my sons started walking to school with no shoes on and I didn't even notice ;-) Thank God he realized! I can already imagine the teacher conferences next week.

I made myself some coffee, lit my candles and have sat in my office/quiet room watching the sun rise higher and light up the day. This room is really in the best spot of the house. I am going to the Habitat For Humanity Re-Store today to see if they have any office desks on the floor. I really need to figure this room out. I am spending more and more time here, praying, prepping and planning, praying. Always praying.

I did a homily this past Sunday based on Luke 18:9-14

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

"To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.

I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:9-14 (NIV)

My first question to the congregation was "Raise your hand if you pray." I got the exact response I expected - only a quarter of the people raised their hand. First - you have to remember we are Episcopalians and being physically demonstrative in any way is an interesting concept ;-) But what struck me as I read the scriptures and prepared my message is that many people don't know what prayer is. Such a common word with extraordinary meaning.

What is prayer?

What is the meaning of prayer?

Why do we pray?

Who should pray?

When do we pray?

For me - prayer is a conversation with God. Now I study prayer, so there are a ton of "formulas" and regimens and acronyms you can follow, I know this to be true. However, for me, my whole life is a prayer. I wake up, in that sleep hazed world of between here and there and my first thought response is "Thank you God for bringing me safely into this new day." "Thank you God for the very breathe I take that sustains my life." And then we go on from there, my God and I talking.

Some days all I can pray is "Thank You". Some days all I can pray is "I surrender". Some days my prayer is pleading for help, for courage, for strength. Some days it is cry of grief and pain for the suffering that abounds in this crazy, broken world we live in. Some days I am in my prayer dancing and singing with such wild abandon that I want to be in the kingdom right then. Some days I realize I am in the kingdom already - if I just had the courage to open my eyes to God.

I pray throughout the day, always and everywhere, sometimes with words, sometimes with actions, sometimes out loud, sometimes silently, sometimes leading others so they might open their heart and mind to God and sometimes so secretly it is just a whisper from my soul to my Creator.

My prayer today is that you might join me. Even if all you say is "Here I am God, I don't know about this prayer stuff." Stay quiet, for just a moment, just 60 seconds and let your prayer rest upon the wind and see where it carries you.

Balance Beam

Today I went into a meeting to begin to say "No" and to let things slide off my plate. I walked out of the meeting having said "No" and "Yes Yes" and adding to my plate. Hmmm...

Insanity or Radical Balance? I don't feel overwhelmed (yet). I feel as though I have just been given another gift of opportunity for ministry. I know there aren't enough hours in the day to keep adding and never deleting activities. But on the other hand I keep praying to God and asking "Where is your spirit leading me?", "Where do you want me?", "Am I where I am supposed to be?" Often after asking these questions I will begin to daydream (not very effective for the Almighty To Do list). I dream about worship and classes and conversations and sermons and serving and helping. The project I agreed to help organize today I have been pondering for 4 years. Today the opportunity arose.

Do I cling to the balance beam and think to myself "I can't" or do I jump off hands raised to heaven praising God for an answered prayer and ask Him for strength and courage to do this work in His name? I will have to let something go and this is okay. I can't do everything for everyone and this is also OK. It is time to drop to my knees again and begin to pray in earnest as to what has to go. But I probably already know. God can be very clear to me working with my energy - the task that wakes me at 4am and sets my adrenaline rushing is good, the task that I procrastinate and put off until the last minute and dread every second and then feel as though the sun burst open when I am finished is not good.

Surrendering your life to God is a daily balancing act - don't be afraid to fall. God will always catch you and raise you up!

New Discovery

I have just discovered the music of Michele McLaughlin.  Her music is haunting and ethereal and transfixing.  I can't stop listening to her - this one in particular "the druid's prayer" - I feel as though I am dancing within the clouds as I listen to it and yet I haven't left my chair!

What a splendid way to end this sabbath day and begin preparing for the work of tomorrow - I just keep hitting replay.  I hope you enjoy.




Michele McLaughlin - The Druid's Prayer

The Sunrise Beckons Me Alive Again

There are days when being "in" this world but not "of" this world is a daunting task.  Days when all I really want to do is sit and breathe, watch the sunrise and the magnificence of Creation awakening, surround myself with the beauty of music and inhale the words of those who bring the mystery of life alive.  There are days when I want to so fully embrace the Spirit and dance together that the rest of the world is a mere mirage.  And indeed isn't it?  This running around, this frantic pace, this have to do and have to have life - what is it really but a mirage.  What are we running from instead of dancing into?

"If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the furthest limits of the sea, Even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me fast."  Psalm 139:9-10

"Should I have led a more simple life?

Have my ambitions been worthy?

Has the wind, for years, been talking to me as well?

Somewhere, among all my thoughts, there is a narrow path.

It's attractive, but who could follow it?

Slowly the full morning

draws over us its mysterious and lovely equation.

Then, in the branches poling from their dark center,

ever more flexible and bright,

sparks from the sun are bursting and melting on the bird's wings

as, indifferent and comfortable,

they lounge, they squabble in the vast, rose-colored light."

(excerpt from Crows by Mary Oliver)

Cry To The Lord

What do you do when a friend is in pain?  What do you do when relationships break, when someone's heart breaks, when someone's will to fight breaks, when the diagnosis is terminal, when the interview doesn't result in the much needed job, when a child can't be rescued from life's struggles, when time doesn't heal, when there aren't any answers only mounting questions, when someone's only prayer can be "do not forsake me"? 

All I can do is pray.

"Hear my prayer, O LORD, listen to my cry for help;

be not deaf to my weeping."  Psalm 39:12

"I cry aloud to the LORD;

I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy."  Psalm 142:1

"Hear my prayer, O LORD;

let my cry for help come to you."  Psalm 102:1

"Hear my prayer, O God;

listen to the words of my mouth."  Psalm 54:2

Present Time

I bought myself a present ;-) and it came today.  Such a nice surprise!

I was going to ask for this for my birthday from my husband and kids but I am leading Morning Prayer and will receive critique and feedback at my next class, so I splurged.  It is a Prayer Book and Hymnal combined!  Leather bound and I am going to have my name put on the cover (at some point).  I am as excited as 4 year old on Christmas morning.  I am leading worship tomorrow for Morning Prayer and I think I will use it.  I have always used my little paperback version with my photograph bookmarks - I think I will still have to stash a few photos in it.

Also...since this feels like true confession Tuesday - I got Celtic Daily Prayer; prayers and readings from northumbria community and Celtic Prayers From Iona by J. Philip Newell and A Contemporary Celtic Prayer Book by William John Fitzgerald.

I keep feeling called to an evening worship service - for about a year and a half now.  I haven't discerned what it fully means yet.  I am trying to be patient.  But I have used some prayers out of these books and thought they would be perfect for my little growing library.  A feast for my soul.  Happy Birthday (early) to me!



The Celtic Service

St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, Richmond, Va

Now We Are Awake

"Now we are awake

and now we are come together

and now we are thanking the Lord.

This is easy,

for the Lord is everywhere.

He is in the water and the air,

He is in the very walls.

He is around us and in us.

He is the floor on which we kneel.

We make our songs for him

as sweet as we can

for his goodness,

and, lo, he steps into the song

and out of it, having blessed it,

having recognized our intention,

having awakened us, who thought we were awake,

a second time,

having married us to the air and the water,

having lifted us in intensity,

having lowered us in beautiful amiability,

having given us

each other,

and the weeds, dogs, cities, boats, dreams

that are the world."

Matins excerpt from Her Grave Again by Mary Oliver

Another Glorious Sabbath

I have loved this song and wanted to share -what better day than today as I head to worship.  Another blessed sunrise, another opportunity to live a life that glorifies the One who created and saved me!

Overcoming Self

I am studying Deborah and reading through Judges learning about the cycles of sin and how God transcends into every life and every culture.  One of the quotes in my workbook has just taken a hold of me this week and won't let go "Victory is not me overcoming sin, or the devil, or the world.  True, lasting victory is only found when Jesus overcomes me." (Wayne Barber, Eddie Rasnake, Richard Shepherd)

Faith is a Verb

This week I am studying Rahab and Rachel.

Rahab the Canaanite prostitute who was savvy in business and wise in the world and who turned her whole life over to God. Rachel the Shepherdess who was so physically beautiful that Jacob was awestruck the moment her saw her walking down the pasture surrounded by sheep; she used her beauty to manipulate those around her who loved her but ended up living and ending her life in sorrow.

Outer beauty, Inner beauty - one quickly fades as time marches on, one glows ever brighter as Jesus dwells deeper and deeper in the heart. Where does Faith play a part in one's beauty? Remember God is no respecter of persons - you can show up shiny as a brand new penny in your designer suit with your designer shoes, smelling of expensive lotion and wearing the mask of the perpetual smile to Sunday Morning Mass or you can walk in off the street, smelling of need and hunger, dressed in poverty and loneliness, wondering if you can ever truly smile again in your desperate need for compassion and friendship. You both will stand in front of your Savior and who will be truly seen? Do you really want to be seen or is the social mask on so tight, are you so beautiful in your own sight, that you can't begin to imagine the beauty the Savior has abundantly blessed you with? Who will glow with the glory of God within - whose faith will shine forth as a beacon in this world?

We do not know if Rahab was beautiful in physical person or not. We know she was on the margin of society, so much so that her "Inn" was in between the two walls of Jericho. Her family did not live with her, she had no husband and no children. She was a business woman who worked hard and supported herself in a male dominated society where if you were a woman who did not belong to a man you most likely would starve. We do not know if she was deprived of society or not because Canaan at this time was a place of moral depravity and idolatry, sorcery and human sacrifice; there may have been no social moral code that would keep Rahab the Harlot from moving among her people.

"Then Joshua son of Nun secretly sent two spies from Shittim. "Go, look over the land," he said, "especially Jericho." So they went and entered the house of a prostitute named Rahab and stayed there. The king of Jericho was told, "Look! Some of the Israelites have come here tonight to spy out the land." So the king of Jericho sent this message to Rahab: "Bring out the men who came to you and entered your house, because they have come to spy out the whole land." But the woman had taken the two men and hidden them. She said, "Yes, the men came to me, but I did not know where they had come from. At dusk, when it was time to close the city gate, the men left. I don't know which way they went. Go after them quickly. You may catch up with them." (But she had taken them up to the roof and hidden them under the stalks of flax she had laid out on the roof.) So the men set out in pursuit of the spies on the road that leads to the fords of the Jordan, and as soon as the pursuers had gone out, the gate was shut. Before the spies lay down for the night, she went up on the roof and said to them, "I know that the LORD has given this land to you and that a great fear of you has fallen on us, so that all who live in this country are melting in fear because of you. We have heard how the LORD dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan, whom you completely destroyed. When we heard of it, our hearts melted and everyone's courage failed because of you, for the LORD your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below. Now then, please swear to me by the LORD that you will show kindness to my family, because I have shown kindness to you. Give me a sure sign that you will spare the lives of my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, and all who belong to them, and that you will save us from death." "Our lives for your lives!" the men assured her. "If you don't tell what we are doing, we will treat you kindly and faithfully when the LORD gives us the land." So she let them down by a rope through the window, for the house she lived in was part of the city wall. Now she had said to them, "Go to the hills so the pursuers will not find you. Hide yourselves there three days until they return, and then go on your way." The men said to her, "This oath you made us swear will not be binding on us unless, when we enter the land, you have tied this scarlet cord in the window through which you let us down, and unless you have brought your father and mother, your brothers and all your family into your house. If anyone goes outside your house into the street, his blood will be on his own head; we will not be responsible. As for anyone who is in the house with you, his blood will be on our head if a hand is laid on him. But if you tell what we are doing, we will be released from the oath you made us swear." "Agreed," she replied. "Let it be as you say." So she sent them away and they departed.
And she tied the scarlet cord in the window." Joshua 2:1-21

Faith is a Verb. Rahab is our example. The One True Living God - was not Rahab's god, she was not a member of the Chosen Tribe. Rahab had heard of the Exodus, of The One True Living God of Moses who brought His people out of slavery, opened the Red Sea and destroyed the Pharaoh's army. She knew that Moses and his people lived in the desert for 40 years and survived, not only survived but thrived and more generations were born. Stop with me here - we mean the desert - we mean extreme heat, no water, no sustainable food sources, we mean wandering and not setting up tent in any place for too long. I don't know about you but I can't imagine living in the desert for even a day! Rahab knew that the only way a people could survive in the desert for a day much less 40 years was by the hand of a powerful God. When the spies came to her from Joshua's camp - they had already utterly defeated two armies, they were not weak from the desert but strong. Don't you wish you had some Manna now?

Opportunity. Every day we experience opportunity, literally every breathe we take is opportunity. Rahab welcomed two spies into her home and beheld her opportunity. In one breath she had to decide - shall I follow my people and these idol gods we claim, all that I have known my whole life to be my reality OR shall I seize the day "Carpe Diem" and tell these two spies - I know your One True Living God and I give my life to Him, I will stand with you and use my gift of savvy and wisdom to keep you free from danger so that you might come and take the land your One True Living God has promised you. My only request is that you allow me to live the rest of my life for your God, to surrender my life to Him so that I might be His also. Faith in Action, she was not going to let the Lord just pass her by she was going to shout out "I am here"!

Now let's turn back time to Rachel.

"While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess. When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother's brother, and Laban's sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle's sheep. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father. As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister's son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. Then Laban said to him, "You are my own flesh and blood." After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, Laban said to him, "Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be." Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel." Laban said, "It's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me." So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her." So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant. When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me?" Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work." And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah.
And he worked for Laban another seven years."
Genesis 29:9-28

My heart breaks for Rachel. How wonderful to be young and beautiful and adoringly loved by a strong man. So loved that Jacob worked her father's lands and herds for 7 years to have the opportunity to marry her. How anticipated this wedding night must have been. Have you ever dreamed of something for 7 years? The last day of those 7 years must have crept along eternally as both Jacob and Rachel prepared to be wed. And then morning comes and joy and bliss quickly turn into anger and frustration. Jacob wakes up in the morning married to Leah. Oh poor Leah, how must she have felt watching her new husbands face turn from bliss to hatred as the sleep cleared his eyes and understanding dawned on his mind. And Rachel - when did she realize she wasn't the bride? At what point in the evening did she know? Scripture doesn't tell us -did she have to prepare her sister Leah for the betrothal? Did she get prepared herself and wait and wait and wait only towards dawn to realize that something had gone terribly amiss?

How does that next day even unfold as a man realizes he is married to the wrong woman, that his beloved is his sister-in-law and that he must sit at the table and show due respect to the father-in-law who orchestrated this whole betrayal - to Jacob, to Leah, to Rachel "You are my own flesh and blood."Genesis 29:14 - did Jacob's brain ring with these words as his heart remembered his own betrayal of his father Isaac and his brother Esau. Did God use this opportunity to break open Jacob's own heart to see for the first time what he had truly done to his own family?

Rachel at this point takes her opportunity and turns to the gods of anger, bitterness and sorrow. Through the rest of the scripture we watch her burn with jealousy and envy, her sister stole her husband, her sister has her children, the dream of her life was a living nightmare.

"When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!" Jacob became angry with her and said, "Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?"" Genesis 30:1-2

She eventually gets to marry Jacob, and he still adores and loves her (he worked an additional 7 years to be able to marry her), but it isn't the same. They aren't cleaved as one together because Jacob also lives with Leah (and then with Bilhah and Zilpah). Finally as Rachel gives birth to Joseph she is happy and experiences that joy and bliss of true love again, but in her next breathe she takes the opportunity to re-embrace greed and envy and demand of God more children. Had she even risen from the birthing stool when she cried this out to God?

"Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, "God has taken away my disgrace." She named him Joseph, and said, "May the LORD add to me another son."
Genesis 30:22-24

I believe Rachel is the first recorded death from childbirth in the bible. Not to say it hadn't happened before in history. Just to say that scripture makes a point to show us that Rachel's shining beauty ended early in worn out anger and bitterness, jealousy and envy which all led to sorrow, in bearing the children she wanted out of a competitive spirit, not a loving spirit.

"Rachel began to give birth and had great difficulty. And as she was having great difficulty in childbirth, the midwife said to her, "Don't be afraid, for you have another son." As she breathed her last—for she was dying—she named her son Ben-Oni. But his father named him Benjamin." Genesis 35:16-18

She claimed those truths even to her dying breath when she named her son Ben-Oni "son of my sorrow". She turned from The One True Living God and placed her faith in her beauty and her ability to get people to love her. But isn't the real love she was looking for only possible from God? Can you really ask another human being to fill your heart when your heart cries out for God? That is a lot of expectation to put on the shoulders of another person. And I fear a lot of dissapointment felt within a heart that keeps striving in the wrong places.

Faith is a Verb. Opportunity awaits you today, this moment, to put your Faith in Action. What a glorious adventure you are on, I can't wait to see where Faith takes you! Remember on this Journey - You are Beautiful, You are Treasured, You are Sacred, You are His!

(ps - my heart also breaks for Leah, and I am so thankful that she knew and embraced God in her pain and suffering so that she might live a life of Joy - I will go into her story next week more in depth)

The Grace of Gratitude

Every church visit I have made has been completely inspired by God.  At each of the places I have gone I have experienced something new, learned something new or been reminded of something I had forgotten.  Today was no different.

Today's church visit I went with a friend and she actually planned this trip.  We went to the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C.  Really it just doesn't get any better -whether you are a church nerd like me or have never stepped foot in a church. 

We decided to attend two services (yes, she is a church nerd too).  First we attended their Contemporary Folk Eucharist.  (note to self for another blog topic using the word "contemporary" in regards to Episcopal worship, what does it really mean?)  The service takes place down within the Cathedral where there are 3 intimate chapels.  We were in the St. Joseph's chapel.

My picture does not do it justice, I wish my daughter had been there because she would have remembered to use the flash and create her magic (most of the photos I use on my blog are hers).  As you can see a very simple, intimate chapel.  In fact the stairs you see on the sides - people sit up and down these stairs.  I have to tell you I got goose bumps being in this chapel.  I couldn't help but ponder if this is how it was when Jesus was alive, sitting in a room such as this the Great Teacher in the midst of the crowd.  This service has an interactive sermon, meaning the priest begins the discussion and then steps back to facilitate the on-going conversation with those who have come to worship.  It was great stuff. 

Let me step back for a moment and tell you who was in the room.  There are times that I have thought I was in the Kingdom of God on earth and this was one of them.  Every age was in this room from very young children through seniors and every nationality was also present, and I mean every.  The diversity of races was such a glorious rainbow of God's creation of humankind.  There were college kids in jeans and sweatshirts, some baptized, some not.  There were doctors and professor's in suits, there was a homeless person or two and there was every mix in between of every education and socio-economic level.

Now for the readings, how perfect for this gathering of the Kingdom - it was 2 Kings 5:1-3, 7-15c and the Gospel of Luke 17:11-19.  Just to highlight: the first reading is about Naaman, a commanding officer in the army of the king of Aram - not one of God's chosen people/tribes at this point in history.  This was a military man who would be considered "pagan" by our terms.  Very powerful man, very respected in society, he had the house, the wife, the clothes, the food, the servants.  In one of his many raids he had taken captive a young Israelite girl for a slave in his household and she ended up serving Naaman's wife.  This tells you that she was very capable at her duties to be a household slave.  Well Naaman gets struck with leprosy - this is devastating and humiliating - he will have to be kicked out of his society, everything will be taken from him, leprosy is the worst contagious disease that he could get and it is physically highly visible so everyone is going to know he has it.  The Israelite slave girl shows great Faith and great courage when she speaks up to her master and says "If only my lord were with the prophet who is in Samaria!  He would cure him of his leprosy."  She is speaking of Elisha.

As the story goes on Naaman ends up pulling up in all his pageantry and with splendid gifts in front of Elisha's house.  This part is funny - so Elisha sends out one of his helpers to give the prescription for getting rid of the leprosy.  Naaman is fuming!  How dare this prophet send out this mere helper - he should have come out at once and "call on the name of the Lord his God, and would wave his hand over the spot, and cure the leprosy".  Instead Naaman was told to go jump in the river 7x.

-Let me stop here for a second - how many times have we done this?  How many times have we shown up at the church and demanded of a priest - Pray and fix me, Pray and fix this situation, You must Pray and get God to take care of X, Y and Z?  And how many times have we fumed at the Church or at a particular priest for not waving a magic wand and "cure"ing our "spot"?

Just like Naaman learned we must learn - it is our responsibility to pray.  There is no magic.  If we get quiet and listen to God when we pray and invite our own healing we have to be willing to hear God and to do what we are told to do - be it jumping in a river 7x or getting counsel from a doctor, or taking our hat in hand and apologizing for a wrong we have committed, or swallowing our Pride so that we might begin to restore X, Y and Z.

Now moving on to the Gospel - this is where I knew the Holy Spirit had divined this whole day for me.  This is the Gospel reading that changed my life so many years ago.  This was a turning point for me (pun intended).  "Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God in a loud voice."

"On the way to Jerusalem Jesus was going through the region between Samaria and Galilee.  As he entered a village, ten lepers approached him.  Keeping their distance, they called out, saying, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!"  When he saw them, he said to them, "Go and show yourselves to the priests."  And as they went, they were made clean.  Then one of them when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice.  He prostrated himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him.  And he was a Samaritan.  Then Jesus asked, "Were not ten made clean?  But the other nine, where are they?  Was none of them found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 

Then he said to him, "Get up and go on your way; your faith has made you well."  Luke 17:11-19

The word "well" has been translated from a Hebrew word that also translates "whole".  "your faith has made you whole."  I could write another page or two on this lesson, there are so many things to talk about.  But for me, today, as I learned just 2-3 weeks ago when talking to the priest who proclaimed this Gospel and preached her sermon that changed the course of my life  - as she reminded me - I am the Leper who returned.  I received the 2nd miracle.  The first miracle the leper receives is his physical healing - which will also lead to emotional and spiritual healing as he will be brought back into society and not outcast into the wilderness on his own.  When this healed leper turns back to Jesus and rushes to him singing and dancing and prostrating and praising God he receives his second miracle - he is made Whole.  His faith has brought him back into relationship with God.  His Gratitude has brought him back to God and restored his Life.

This is my life today.  I begin my day in Thanksgiving and end my day in Gratitude with the Grace of God interweaving every breath I take with the Holy Spirit.

I quickly need to add that we also attended the High Church Cathedral service and it was all the pageantry and elegance and beauty that one would expect and cherish from the National Cathedral - and the sermon was excellent.  In attending both though I felt a staggering difference - for me personally the first service, in it's intimacy and surroundings brought me into complete worship and I could feel the wind of the Holy Spirit moving amongst us - and I could see evidence on the tears flowing from more than one person as they received Eucharist.  I felt more separated at the larger service, less connected to the music, the peace was very short and quick and the brilliance of my surroundings kept me firmly on the firmament, no suspending into the ethereal.  BUT for the first time ever I received Eucharist from a Deacon - way cool!  I wanted to meet him but he was a smart man and I couldn't find him anywhere ;-)

Happy Sabbath my friends, remember to BE the church this week in your daily vocation no matter where you were "church"ed today!

Happy Birthday to my Brother!

I have to gush, not only do I have the best brother ever but I mailed his birthday present on time and God willing I will remember to call him today!

My brother and I did not grow up together all of our life. Our parents separated more than they were together and divorced while we were young and went on to re-marry others. My brother and I sometimes lived together with the same parent and sometimes lived with the other parent and not each other. That sounds really confusing - and to be honest as kids it was very confusing. Sometimes I was his mother, sometimes I wanted to act like his mother, sometimes he wanted me to NOT act like his mother and just be his sister, sometimes he just wanted a friend. I am so glad to have him because he understands me in a way no one else ever can. He understands my history, he lived my history with me. Sometimes I forget dates or details or block out whole paragraphs of my life story and he is always there to help me remember, even when remembering sometimes hurts.

I am supposed to be the older sibling (okay, okay I am older technically) but a lot of times he is the wiser sibling. He is able to see inside me and knows what I am feeling and he has the words to pull me up and into new places. I remember one time I was bemoaning my weight gain from having 4 kids (believe me I loved the Bradley method of childbirth telling me 'if your body craves it, eat it' I don't think they really meant the gallons of ben and jerrys I inhaled!). My brother came over to where I was staring at myself in a mirror trying to poke by post baby belly to make it appear smaller and my outfit cuter and he put his hand over mine to still my poking at myself. He looked at me in the mirror and said something to the effect that I was a miracle bearer, I created life in that belly, I carried four human beings into this world through the gift of that belly and as my body stretched I glowed. He told me to honor my body and all the work it had done for me and for my kids. He gave me such a gift that day. No longer do I look at my body and wish away the marks of childbirth and being a miracle bearer. Do I wish to lose a few pounds, of course, only the treadmill is going to burn the ice cream calories, not just thinking about it. But I no longer look at my body and wish for it to be anyway different than it is today. Because who I am today is enough. He taught me that.

I was scared to share with him my call to ordained ministry, had no clue what he would think. We were raised Roman Catholic before the divorce and through our grandparents after the divorce. We have family history with our ancestors in the Mormon Church who then became Lutherans and I believe he was re-baptized Southern Baptist at some point in high school and here I am wanting to be a Deacon in the Episcopal Church. I will save my explorations into the Jewish faith and interest in Buddha for another day. I finally just blurted it out one day on the phone, no preamble, no explanation just a blurting. I was doing a sermon I believe the upcoming weekend and public speaking is my biggest fear. I was sharing with him my fear and how could I share the Word in church - and he said "of course you can". He was so calm and so sure and telling me all the ways my life has led to this point and how God was going to help me do what He wanted me to do. I prayed with his "of course" in my heart and mind for many, many weeks after. Embracing his acceptance of me, just me, who I am, where I am and how I am. He always has and I pray he always will.

So while today I thank God for the gift of my brother I know the true gift is how amazing and wise and steadfast he is. He is a wonderful husband, amazing father, faithful friend, exemplary employee and manager, in his spare time fun golfer and a student once again. He is the heart of my heart, how blessed am I to share this journey through life with him.



My blessed brother you are His Beloved!
We are works in progress and I see the Beautiful Art in You!

(an aside - as I wrote this two Mormons came and knocked on my door to share Christ with me and I didn't mention that our parents reconciled with one another and re-married each other about 11 years ago)

Cry of Moses

"Moses heard the people of every family wailing, each at the entrance to his tent. The LORD became exceedingly angry, and Moses was troubled. He asked the LORD, "Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their forefathers? Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, 'Give us meat to eat!' I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now—if I have found favor in your eyes—

and do not let me face my own ruin."

The LORD said to Moses: "Bring me seventy of Israel's elders who are known to you as leaders and officials among the people. Have them come to the Tent of Meeting, that they may stand there with you. I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take of the Spirit that is on you and put the Spirit on them. They will help you carry the burden of the people

so that you will not have to carry it alone." 

Numbers 11:10-17

Ask and you shall receive.  It is a humble leader who understands the responsibility instead of the power.  We were studying Miriam today - fascinating woman and leader of the Hebrew people.  However, I kept getting pulled further into scripture to look at Moses.  This is the first time this part of Mose's story stuck out to me.  I am normally intrigued by his birth and saving, astounded at his murdering, confused by his wilderness, understanding of his unworthiness and denial of his call from God, empathize with his fear facing the Pharaoh and awestruck with the red sea.  But I haven't really contemplated the desert years.  Normally I just think about Manna from heaven when considering the desert time.  And I always remember the complaints of the Hebrews to the point of wishing they were back in slavery so that they might have a bite of lamb or fish.
 
Isn't it funny how quickly we forget our Thanksgivings after a scare, a tragedy, an answered prayer?  We start this story with the Hebrews singing and dancing with Joy at the parting of the Red Sea and their exodus from Egypt and Slavery (Exodus 15).  But it seems that when the adrenaline runs out and daily life kicks in we find ourselves in discontent and our previous sadness gets put on the pedestal of the "not so bad" and "good ole days".  And then we begin to whine.  hmmm.
 
One day my youngest son came to me with a picture he had made that he wanted to hang on the front door.  It was a picture of an unhappy looking child with the word WHINE written, a big circle around them and then an X through the whole picture.  He told me "I can't take the whining anymore, this is a no whine house now.  We need to put up the picture so everyone can see it."  I nodded very seriously and helped him hang it on the door and then I ran to the bathroom and closed the door right before I burst out laughing - he thought he was tired of the whining!!  And this is our scripture- Moses can't take the whining at his tent door and wants to put up the no whine zone sign - and God says - you think you are tired of it, I am angry about it!
 
When do we finally realize that we can't do it on our own?  When do we finally ask God for help?  And do we really want the help or do we feel as if we control the outcome instead of God?  Look at Miriam - as soon as God grants Moses help, which should also help Miriam and Aaron - Miriam gets upset with sharing the responsibility: 
 

"and they said, "Has the Lord spoken only through Moses?  Has he not spoken through us also?"  Numbers 12:2

 
Whoops - read beyond that verse in your bible if you forgot what happened to Miriam after that.  She seems to have forgotten the responsibility of leadership and had been too busy enjoying the limelight of being a prophetess.  We are all called by God in as unique a way as we are created.  No two people are called the same way - even in the same vocation.  Be content in how the Lord has called you and work as though you work for the Lord - always and in everything.  Remember that your life might be the only bible that someone reads.  I wish Miriam had been fortunate enough to have the following scripture in her heart and mind as it seems Moses knew it:
 

^"Then he said to his disciples,

"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." 

Matthew 9:37

 

There is much work to be done and plenty of it to go around for everyone, take seriously your work but do not take so seriously yourself or become so arrogant as to believe you control the outcome, be humble enough to recognize that all you control is your own effort.

Here I Am to Worship

See you at Church! Remember to BE the church this week, out in the world, in your daily life; in all moments and in all places where God has called you to be!

Darlene Zschech - Here I am to Worship

My Sabbath - Calling On His Name

"Just as Paul was about to be brought into the barracks,

he said to the tribune, ‘May I say something to you?’ The tribune replied, ‘Do you know Greek? Then you are not the Egyptian who recently stirred up a revolt and led the four thousand assassins out into the wilderness?’ Paul replied, ‘I am a Jew, from Tarsus in Cilicia, a citizen of an important city; I beg you, let me speak to the people.’ When he had given him permission, Paul stood on the steps and motioned to the people for silence;

and when there was a great hush,

he addressed them in the Hebrew language, saying:

‘Brothers and fathers, listen to the defence

that I now make before you.’

When they heard him addressing them in Hebrew,

they became even more quiet.

Then he said:

‘I am a Jew, born in Tarsus in Cilicia, but brought up in this city at the feet of Gamaliel, educated strictly according to our ancestral law, being zealous for God, just as all of you are today. I persecuted this Way up to the point of death by binding both men and women and putting them in prison, as the high priest and the whole council of elders can testify about me. From them I also received letters to the brothers in Damascus, and I went there in order to bind those who were there and to bring them back to

Jerusalem for punishment.

‘While I was on my way and approaching Damascus, about noon a great light from heaven suddenly shone about me. I fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to me, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” I answered, “Who are you, Lord?” Then he said to me, “I am Jesus of Nazareth whom you are persecuting.” Now those who were with me saw the light but did not hear the voice of the one who was speaking to me. I asked, “What am I to do, Lord?” The Lord said to me, “Get up and go to Damascus; there you will be told everything that has been assigned to you to do.” Since I could not see because of the brightness of that light,

those who were with me took my hand and led me to Damascus.

‘A certain Ananias, who was a devout man according to the law and well spoken of by all the Jews living there, came to me; and standing beside me, he said, “Brother Saul, regain your sight!” In that very hour I regained my sight and saw him. Then he said, “The God of our ancestors has chosen you to know his will, to see the Righteous One and to hear his own voice; for you will be his witness to all the world of what you have seen and heard.

And now why do you delay?

Get up, be baptized, and have your sins washed away,

calling on his name.”

Acts 21:37-22:16

"Now during those days he went out to the mountain to pray; and he spent the night in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose twelve of them, whom he also named apostles: Simon, whom he named Peter, and his brother Andrew, and James, and John, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James son of Alphaeus, and Simon, who was called the Zealot, and Judas son of James,

and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.

He came down with them and stood on a level place, with a great crowd of his disciples and a great multitude of people from all Judea, Jerusalem, and the coast of Tyre and Sidon. They had come to hear him and to be healed of their diseases; and those who were troubled with unclean spirits were cured.

And all in the crowd were trying to touch him,

for power came out from him and healed all of them.

Then he looked up at his disciples and said:

‘Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

‘Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled.

‘Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.

‘Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you on account of the Son of Man.

Rejoice on that day and leap for joy,

for surely your reward is great in heaven;

for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets.

‘But woe to you who are rich,

for you have received your consolation.

‘Woe to you who are full now,

for you will be hungry.

‘Woe to you who are laughing now,

for you will mourn and weep.

‘Woe to you when all speak well of you,

for that is what their ancestors did to the false prophets."

Luke 6:12-26

What more could I possibly add? Enjoy this blessed day that the Lord has made and may the life of Paul and the words of Jesus embrace and guide you this day.