Beginning - the point at which something comes into existence.
Every ending is a beginning just as every beginning is an ending.
This blog started out for me as a way to journal, write, meditate on how God was forming me through the process of discerning that I was being called into ministry. This really has been a place for me to put my 2am ramblings when our relentless God has woken me up and won't let me go.
Now I have finished school, taken my exams and begun my Practicum at my new Church.
I read a lot of blogs and at this point in most people's process they close their first blog and begin a new one. I have been contemplating that change for about 6 months. Do I stop blogging? Do I start a new blog?
I thought about stopping. Then I found out my blog is being shared among some churches and Mom's groups and outreach ministries. I was encouraged not to stop. So should I start a new one or refocus this one?
I really still feel called to this blog - but I also really feel called to become more intentional about sharing God's call in my life as a minister, mother and wife. How do I as an ordinary person, living an ordinary life hear God? And upon hearing God how do I act upon His Voice?
Today is the feast day of the Visitation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Mary doesn't get much play in the Episcopal Church. I consider Mary to be the ultimate example of human servanthood, the great "Here I am Lord, let it be as you will", she lived her life as a living sacrifice. So it seems appropriate on her feast day to renew my commitment to sharing my story of God's call in my life and truly what that means for any person who happens to read this blog - to consider how God is calling you and what will you decide to do with that call? How will you let the Holy Spirit live into your experience, will you see with the eyes of Christ, will you hear with the ears of Christ, will you feel with the heart of Christ, will you serve with the hands and feet of Christ? Will you accept your place at the table? Will you acknowledge your giftedness and bring it into the Body of Christ and share your Light with all the world?
I hope we can all respond, "I will, with God's help"!
So the blog stays, Grace is still Meeting this Girl and blessings overflow. I will be inviting guest writers to join me with their stories and will be adding book recommendations and a few other fun things. If you have something you would like to share just let me know. The more we share how the Living Word moves through us the more sacred space we create. Let us remember the Blessed Virgin Mary today as she went to her cousin Elizabeth and shared her story of the Angel Gabriel coming to her announcing she was "destined to bear the One Who was Himself the beginning of the New Covenant". (James Kiefer)
Cheers to Beginning Again!
"Father in heaven, by whose grace the virgin mother of your incarnate Son was blessed in bearing him, but still more blessed in keeping your word: Grant us who honor the exaltation of her lowliness to follow the example of her devotion to your will; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever." Amen! (Holy Women, Holy Men)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Introverts 'R Us
If you google "definition of introvert" this is what pops up first:
A shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.
A person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.
I used to be labeled "shy" and "reticent" and in the high school world I was definitely considered "self-centered" - in fact my husband's initial opinion of me: 'snob' I believe was the word he used. I used to practice in the mirror having a smile on my face, a welcoming look to help me get past those labels, because they don't fit my personality. I am quiet, I am introspective, I am a watcher more than a talker, I take in my surroundings and I take in the people around me. I take in their energy, I can feel their emotions, sometimes I can "feel" what isn't being said and it enables me to form the right questions to ask so they can voice what they didn't even know needed to be voiced. Far from being self-centered or removed from people I love people and exploring what they are thinking and feeling and discovering what they desire and need.
I used to laugh out loud at the shocked faces of people who thought me "painfully shy"when they would hear me speak out the first time. The truth is I have a strong voice and generally a lot to say once I get going and I am not absent a sense of humor ;-) There is some truth to the commentary "It's always the quiet ones...."
I don't believe introverts are concerned with their "own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things" as much as introverts are concerned with thoughts and feelings and dispatch with the small talk. Please don't talk to me about the weather, let's just enjoy it. Let's be silent and feel the sun washing over our faces warming our souls and brightening our Spirits. Let's be quiet so we can hear the tap, tap of the rain on the roof of the front porch and watch the leaves on the bushes glisten with the shine of raindrops slipping through them. Let's thank God as Creation reaches out to amaze and enlighten us!
Sundays are my 'on' day - as they are for all ministers, pastors, preachers. From the moment I step on sacred church ground I pull out every extrovert trick in the book. I can welcome, shake hands, talk about yesterday's 5K and the threat of war in the Sudan. I can sing, confess, lead prayer, preach, teach and dismiss with conviction and love. I can chat over coffee, I can go out to lunch with parishioners and discuss the gospel for the day, I can attend a planning meeting and I can run a class in the evening.
And the minute I step through my home's front door I can feel the Spirit leave me as in a balloon that is slowly being deflated. I can stand in my foyer and look at my home as if I didn't know where I was and walk slowly into the office to set my bag down. I can drop on my couch and wonder at all the people in my house and why they want to talk to me still - oh yes because they are my husband and kids who haven't seen me all day. So, I pull up my bootstraps and bring on the last vestiges of energy I can find for them. Because I love them I can do this. Come Monday morning at 8am I thank God for work and school as I sit in my quiet house, with just the hum of the washing machine.
Introverts give all their energy to the people who surround them. Quiet and silence "recharge" those batteries. I used to be ashamed of this, I used to try and deny and always be "on" for people. But the truth will set you free and once I understood where I gain my energy and where I use my energy I was able to take care of myself - which makes me even better able to care for those in my life.
Sunday was a big day for me this past week because it was my last day at my home parish - and on Monday I sat on my couch and just sat, and sat, and sat. When everyone came home from work and school and wanted to know what I "did" for the day I just looked at them - "I sat here". When they asked me what was for dinner I just looked at them, "cereal and peanut butter sandwiches". They looked at me like I dropped in from another planet. But it's okay, one day of sitting recharges me, one day of quiet fulfilled me and it takes nothing from them to allow me that time. It really won't scar them for life to eat cereal for dinner once in awhile. ;-)
And today I woke up revving to go - the laundry is in, the coffee is brewing, I packed lunches, am working on the dinner menu for the week, getting ready to go grocery shopping. I have my workout clothes on and will get that done first. I have my "canonicals" (final exams) this week and I am feeling the Spirit ready to explode in my head and heart and give the words to speak the Truth I know.
Hug your Introvert today - you don't even need to say I love you when you do it, your Introvert can feel it through the circle of your arms and the thump of your heartbeat. Your love courses through their Spirit when you allow that moment of silence to wrap around you both together. The greatest gift my husband ever gives me are the days when he walks in from work and smiles at me, walks over and just hugs me, the 3 minute hug where his strong arms hold me up and I lay my head on his chest and can hear his heart calling out to mine. We need no words. And then he lets me go and calls out to the kids, "let's go outside and run around". I can watch from the window, smiling, taking in their screams of joy and laughter as they jump on the trampoline and chase each other for capture the flag. And soon I am able to join them, mingling my voice and laughter with theirs our energies entwining together and the language of Love speaking for us and through us.
Thanks be to God!
(Have an Introvert in your life and want to understand how to care for them, this is a great (funny) article written by an Introvert.)
I couldn't disagree more!! So, I kept looking on-line for a definition of introvert that really conveys the truth for me - an introvert.
"Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people." Now that definition is pretty on target! Read the rest of the article for some great info - especially if you are an extrovert who has an introvert in your life.
I used to be labeled "shy" and "reticent" and in the high school world I was definitely considered "self-centered" - in fact my husband's initial opinion of me: 'snob' I believe was the word he used. I used to practice in the mirror having a smile on my face, a welcoming look to help me get past those labels, because they don't fit my personality. I am quiet, I am introspective, I am a watcher more than a talker, I take in my surroundings and I take in the people around me. I take in their energy, I can feel their emotions, sometimes I can "feel" what isn't being said and it enables me to form the right questions to ask so they can voice what they didn't even know needed to be voiced. Far from being self-centered or removed from people I love people and exploring what they are thinking and feeling and discovering what they desire and need.
I used to laugh out loud at the shocked faces of people who thought me "painfully shy"when they would hear me speak out the first time. The truth is I have a strong voice and generally a lot to say once I get going and I am not absent a sense of humor ;-) There is some truth to the commentary "It's always the quiet ones...."
I don't believe introverts are concerned with their "own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things" as much as introverts are concerned with thoughts and feelings and dispatch with the small talk. Please don't talk to me about the weather, let's just enjoy it. Let's be silent and feel the sun washing over our faces warming our souls and brightening our Spirits. Let's be quiet so we can hear the tap, tap of the rain on the roof of the front porch and watch the leaves on the bushes glisten with the shine of raindrops slipping through them. Let's thank God as Creation reaches out to amaze and enlighten us!
Sundays are my 'on' day - as they are for all ministers, pastors, preachers. From the moment I step on sacred church ground I pull out every extrovert trick in the book. I can welcome, shake hands, talk about yesterday's 5K and the threat of war in the Sudan. I can sing, confess, lead prayer, preach, teach and dismiss with conviction and love. I can chat over coffee, I can go out to lunch with parishioners and discuss the gospel for the day, I can attend a planning meeting and I can run a class in the evening.
And the minute I step through my home's front door I can feel the Spirit leave me as in a balloon that is slowly being deflated. I can stand in my foyer and look at my home as if I didn't know where I was and walk slowly into the office to set my bag down. I can drop on my couch and wonder at all the people in my house and why they want to talk to me still - oh yes because they are my husband and kids who haven't seen me all day. So, I pull up my bootstraps and bring on the last vestiges of energy I can find for them. Because I love them I can do this. Come Monday morning at 8am I thank God for work and school as I sit in my quiet house, with just the hum of the washing machine.
Introverts give all their energy to the people who surround them. Quiet and silence "recharge" those batteries. I used to be ashamed of this, I used to try and deny and always be "on" for people. But the truth will set you free and once I understood where I gain my energy and where I use my energy I was able to take care of myself - which makes me even better able to care for those in my life.
Sunday was a big day for me this past week because it was my last day at my home parish - and on Monday I sat on my couch and just sat, and sat, and sat. When everyone came home from work and school and wanted to know what I "did" for the day I just looked at them - "I sat here". When they asked me what was for dinner I just looked at them, "cereal and peanut butter sandwiches". They looked at me like I dropped in from another planet. But it's okay, one day of sitting recharges me, one day of quiet fulfilled me and it takes nothing from them to allow me that time. It really won't scar them for life to eat cereal for dinner once in awhile. ;-)
And today I woke up revving to go - the laundry is in, the coffee is brewing, I packed lunches, am working on the dinner menu for the week, getting ready to go grocery shopping. I have my workout clothes on and will get that done first. I have my "canonicals" (final exams) this week and I am feeling the Spirit ready to explode in my head and heart and give the words to speak the Truth I know.
Hug your Introvert today - you don't even need to say I love you when you do it, your Introvert can feel it through the circle of your arms and the thump of your heartbeat. Your love courses through their Spirit when you allow that moment of silence to wrap around you both together. The greatest gift my husband ever gives me are the days when he walks in from work and smiles at me, walks over and just hugs me, the 3 minute hug where his strong arms hold me up and I lay my head on his chest and can hear his heart calling out to mine. We need no words. And then he lets me go and calls out to the kids, "let's go outside and run around". I can watch from the window, smiling, taking in their screams of joy and laughter as they jump on the trampoline and chase each other for capture the flag. And soon I am able to join them, mingling my voice and laughter with theirs our energies entwining together and the language of Love speaking for us and through us.
Thanks be to God!
(Have an Introvert in your life and want to understand how to care for them, this is a great (funny) article written by an Introvert.)
"14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,*15from whom every family* in heaven and on earth takes its name.16I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit,17and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love." Ephesians 3:14-17
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sometimes God says Go!
I have been at my sponsoring parish for 6-7 years and yesterday I said goodbye.
I am taking this week off - how strange to not be preparing for Pentecost Sunday at Church - preparing for the descent of the Holy Spirit celebrating the 'birthday' of the church. I was able to preach a couple of times yesterday and one of my sermons I spoke about God answering our Prayers. I talked about sometimes God says "Yes", sometimes God says, "Wait" and sometimes God says, "No"!
For me now, God is saying "Go"!
I feel like a baby bird leaping out of the nest. My sponsoring church is my family, they have raised me up and loved me, fed me, cared for me and watched me grow. They have both protected me and nudged me out of my comfort zones pushing me bit by bit closer to the edge of the nest.
Here I Go!
I woke up this morning to the hymn "On Eagles Wings" playing through my soul. Does that happen to you? Do you ever wake up to music? The verse "I will raise you up" kept going through my mind. I have been raised up and now it is time to take flight and see where God might take me.
I am taking this week off - how strange to not be preparing for Pentecost Sunday at Church - preparing for the descent of the Holy Spirit celebrating the 'birthday' of the church. I was able to preach a couple of times yesterday and one of my sermons I spoke about God answering our Prayers. I talked about sometimes God says "Yes", sometimes God says, "Wait" and sometimes God says, "No"!
For me now, God is saying "Go"!
"I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’" Joshua 1:9
I feel like a baby bird leaping out of the nest. My sponsoring church is my family, they have raised me up and loved me, fed me, cared for me and watched me grow. They have both protected me and nudged me out of my comfort zones pushing me bit by bit closer to the edge of the nest.
Here I Go!
I woke up this morning to the hymn "On Eagles Wings" playing through my soul. Does that happen to you? Do you ever wake up to music? The verse "I will raise you up" kept going through my mind. I have been raised up and now it is time to take flight and see where God might take me.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Mommies and Food Insecurity
Some mornings God brings you to your knees.
This morning I could barely stand and I almost dropped to my knees in the kitchen, drawn there by the hand of God. As I sit and reflect I should have given into the pull. My kids would have understood, they are used to me and God having our moments together.
I was making peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast and lunch. The boys and I were talking about our Hope Chest this month and our family newsletter. This month we are collecting donations of bottled water and sunscreen for homeless and precariously housed children. We were discussing the need for these boys and girls to have sunscreen and bottled water as school is ending and they will be outside all day and it is going to be so hot.
My older son - 9yrs - said "but Mommy they really need food, why aren't we doing food?". And we discussed how in June the kids will still be in school a bit and getting breakfast and lunch at school but he was right in July they would be really hungry so our June newsletter we will start collecting food and in July we will collect school supplies to give to them in August for when school starts back up.
All of a sudden I looked down and realized that my little family goes through a half of loaf of bread just for breakfast and lunch in one day. I was stunned. I was spreading the peanut butter and I physically doubled over as all of a sudden all the Mommies who were getting their kids up for school and had no bread or peanut butter in their pantry came rushing into my heart.
In our county 1 in every 6 kids is food insecure. That means in every classroom there are 4-5 kids who do not know where their next meal is coming from. We live in the 1st-2nd richest county in the US according to Forbes magazine. In just 10 minutes I can be in another county and those numbers can double, go further south and/or west and into another state and those numbers can triple and quadruple.
I walked to the fridge and got out the ham, turkey and the cheese and worked on more lunches and the images were rolling through my soul of all the Mommies who could not make lunches for their kids with choices. I can call out, "did you want ham or turkey today? pretzels or fritos? apple or pear? which dessert did you want? water, milk or apple juice?" There are Mommies I know who can only afford to scramble one egg a morning - made with water not milk - for all 3 of their children to share. I know mommies who have to measure out cereal in the morning because they can't afford for the kids to pour it themselves or they might not have enough to make it through the week.
The boys and I talked about opening our pantry and finding NO food and my little one said - "well I would just go to the fridge" and I said, "but then you open the fridge and nothing is in there". They both looked at me with wide eyes and said "What? No food?". Tears formed in my eyes as I responded "Yes - no food". My older son then shared a story about sleeping over at a friends house and coming home and not having eaten anything for 5 hours and how much it made his stomach hurt and how horrible that was. I asked them, "what do you think it would feel like to not eat all day?" They said "very sad" and then I said, "and imagine if you didn't know if you woke up in the morning if you would have any food either."
How broken is my heart this morning for all the Mommies who face this very real life everyday? It isn't an imagination game for them, it isn't a teachable moment for their children on compassion and sharing blessings. It is real. Their kids are hungry, starving - physically. Which can lead to mental, emotional and spiritual starvation; eternal effects. What does a Mommy do? How does she feel when she looks upon her babies and she can't supply their need and their big eyes look up at her haunted and needing?
I hope she can fall to her knees and look upon God for her strength. I pray to God to embrace my Mommy Sisters, hold them tight and whisper in their soul, "You my Beloved, stay strong and I will provide for your babies just as I provide for the birds of the air and the flowers of the field. Do not worry, put your trust in me." And then my Sister Mommies out there who have a full pantry and fridge, may God whisper in your heart, "My beloved, your Sister and her babies go hungry today, take from what you have and give it away, fill their stomachs just as I will fill their soul."
God as our Mother would never leave us insecure - not in food, not in love. God gives us one another so that we might feed each other with food and nourish each other with love and support. What Mommy can you lift up today so that she can stand before her children brave and bold and supporting them in all she is and all she can give?
This morning I could barely stand and I almost dropped to my knees in the kitchen, drawn there by the hand of God. As I sit and reflect I should have given into the pull. My kids would have understood, they are used to me and God having our moments together.
I was making peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast and lunch. The boys and I were talking about our Hope Chest this month and our family newsletter. This month we are collecting donations of bottled water and sunscreen for homeless and precariously housed children. We were discussing the need for these boys and girls to have sunscreen and bottled water as school is ending and they will be outside all day and it is going to be so hot.
My older son - 9yrs - said "but Mommy they really need food, why aren't we doing food?". And we discussed how in June the kids will still be in school a bit and getting breakfast and lunch at school but he was right in July they would be really hungry so our June newsletter we will start collecting food and in July we will collect school supplies to give to them in August for when school starts back up.
All of a sudden I looked down and realized that my little family goes through a half of loaf of bread just for breakfast and lunch in one day. I was stunned. I was spreading the peanut butter and I physically doubled over as all of a sudden all the Mommies who were getting their kids up for school and had no bread or peanut butter in their pantry came rushing into my heart.
In our county 1 in every 6 kids is food insecure. That means in every classroom there are 4-5 kids who do not know where their next meal is coming from. We live in the 1st-2nd richest county in the US according to Forbes magazine. In just 10 minutes I can be in another county and those numbers can double, go further south and/or west and into another state and those numbers can triple and quadruple.
I walked to the fridge and got out the ham, turkey and the cheese and worked on more lunches and the images were rolling through my soul of all the Mommies who could not make lunches for their kids with choices. I can call out, "did you want ham or turkey today? pretzels or fritos? apple or pear? which dessert did you want? water, milk or apple juice?" There are Mommies I know who can only afford to scramble one egg a morning - made with water not milk - for all 3 of their children to share. I know mommies who have to measure out cereal in the morning because they can't afford for the kids to pour it themselves or they might not have enough to make it through the week.
The boys and I talked about opening our pantry and finding NO food and my little one said - "well I would just go to the fridge" and I said, "but then you open the fridge and nothing is in there". They both looked at me with wide eyes and said "What? No food?". Tears formed in my eyes as I responded "Yes - no food". My older son then shared a story about sleeping over at a friends house and coming home and not having eaten anything for 5 hours and how much it made his stomach hurt and how horrible that was. I asked them, "what do you think it would feel like to not eat all day?" They said "very sad" and then I said, "and imagine if you didn't know if you woke up in the morning if you would have any food either."
How broken is my heart this morning for all the Mommies who face this very real life everyday? It isn't an imagination game for them, it isn't a teachable moment for their children on compassion and sharing blessings. It is real. Their kids are hungry, starving - physically. Which can lead to mental, emotional and spiritual starvation; eternal effects. What does a Mommy do? How does she feel when she looks upon her babies and she can't supply their need and their big eyes look up at her haunted and needing?
I hope she can fall to her knees and look upon God for her strength. I pray to God to embrace my Mommy Sisters, hold them tight and whisper in their soul, "You my Beloved, stay strong and I will provide for your babies just as I provide for the birds of the air and the flowers of the field. Do not worry, put your trust in me." And then my Sister Mommies out there who have a full pantry and fridge, may God whisper in your heart, "My beloved, your Sister and her babies go hungry today, take from what you have and give it away, fill their stomachs just as I will fill their soul."
God as our Mother would never leave us insecure - not in food, not in love. God gives us one another so that we might feed each other with food and nourish each other with love and support. What Mommy can you lift up today so that she can stand before her children brave and bold and supporting them in all she is and all she can give?
Thursday, May 10, 2012
As Mother's Day Approaches...
Motherhood is a calling.
We can forget that.
I prayed to God to give me children to love and nurture.
I can forget that these human beings given to me to care for, guide and grow are answers to those prayers.
Motherhood is not a Hallmark Moment or a Pampers Commercial.
We can forget that.
We can begin to believe that there is something called the "Good Mother" and begin to believe we fall short.
We must Remember!
Motherhood is a calling. It is filled with love, so much love our heart would explode! It is filled with adventure and we must use all of God's humor and Grace as we embrace the journey. It is filled with heartbreak as we watch our children stumble and fall, struggle and sometimes get their hearts stomped on. Motherhood shines light on all of our shortcomings as humans and gives us glimpses of the women of courage and boldness we are. Motherhood is pure Joy as we watch our children discover who they are, embrace God's love for them and witness their walk in this world.
Motherhood is a calling, we are vessels of creation and unconditional love.
As Mother's Day approaches take time to consider the God who Mothers us, the women God has given us as Mothers and the Mothers we can be to the children who look to us.
The calling of Motherhood asks us to bear witness and example to the unconditional love God has for each of His children.
Remember the Mothers in your life and honor them by showing the world the love you have received.
We can forget that.
I prayed to God to give me children to love and nurture.
I can forget that these human beings given to me to care for, guide and grow are answers to those prayers.
Motherhood is not a Hallmark Moment or a Pampers Commercial.
We can forget that.
We can begin to believe that there is something called the "Good Mother" and begin to believe we fall short.
We must Remember!
Motherhood is a calling. It is filled with love, so much love our heart would explode! It is filled with adventure and we must use all of God's humor and Grace as we embrace the journey. It is filled with heartbreak as we watch our children stumble and fall, struggle and sometimes get their hearts stomped on. Motherhood shines light on all of our shortcomings as humans and gives us glimpses of the women of courage and boldness we are. Motherhood is pure Joy as we watch our children discover who they are, embrace God's love for them and witness their walk in this world.
Motherhood is a calling, we are vessels of creation and unconditional love.
As Mother's Day approaches take time to consider the God who Mothers us, the women God has given us as Mothers and the Mothers we can be to the children who look to us.
The calling of Motherhood asks us to bear witness and example to the unconditional love God has for each of His children.
Remember the Mothers in your life and honor them by showing the world the love you have received.
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