It is easy for me to recognize these gifts from God. The gifts that arrive on my doorstep or desk that I have the privilege of delivering to someone else. It has been more than once that I have been earnestly praying for someone or a need for someone and the answered prayer shows up in my Hope Chest or my inbox or the person tells me how God has been moving in their life. Gifts from God.
The thing about gifts is I love to give them. Especially when I find something so special and wonderful and it calls out the name of the person it is meant for. What is hard for me is receiving gifts. Always has been. So when my wandering eyes also caught sight of a red envelope with our family's name on it, well quite frankly I got a little apprehensive. I actually shut the Hope Chest and walked back inside leaving it there. I didn't want it, couldn't accept it, wasn't worthy of it. I didn't even know what "it" was!
A week earlier one of my beloved mentors challenged me to think about gifts; the tangible and intangible gifts I receive. I went absolutely silent. Not because I couldn't think of a gift but because too many came rushing to my mind. I had just had a series of days where I could name 4-5 times a day God showed up gifting me in unexpected grace filled ways. Exactly what I needed in the exact moment I needed it. I wanted to cry from the abundance of gifts. Instead of cry I chose not to speak. As we went into silent retreat I claimed each one of those gifts in my memories and in my heart and said prayers of thanksgiving for each person who presented the gifts to me.
Then this red envelope arrived. I walked back outside and looked at it again. I just closed the Hope Chest and walked back in again. Pacing, praying, pacing. Then I went back out, looked at it again and picked it up. Held it, read it, prayed over it. This time I brought it in the house and set it on my desk next to my prayer vigil candle. I use this candle to pray intercessory prayers and I keep lists of those I am praying for and their needs. I added the red envelope and just said Thank you God.
This red envelope is more than a gift someone gave our family. This red envelope is more than a "secret santa". This envelope is a gift from God. Whatever is in this envelope it is wrapped in grace and hope. I know it was wrapped in love and prayer. The Holy Spirit heard my prayers and invited someones heart to enter my journey. Each day when I sat down to pray for others and myself I would see the envelope and I would smile. I would know God was with me, is with me, Emmanuel. This time of Advent, this time of waiting, this time of gift giving while we await the greatest gift ever of God coming amongst us again - it is also a time of re-awakening to the fact that God is with us. Right now. In this minute. This red envelope is my tangible reminder. When the world looks too cruel, when injustice upon injustice is occurring in our streets and in our world, when personal hurts are more pronounced during this "festive holiday season" God is with us. God is with us! God has gifted us with God's presence, God's touch, God's love, God's mercy, God's grace, God's unrelenting passion and love for us, pursuing us and inviting us into relationship.
God is with us. God gifts us. I have a red envelope to prove it!
I am going to open the envelope today. It is after all St. Nicholas Day. I have been waiting for the right moment. Waiting for the Holy Spirit to tell me that it was time. This morning I woke up and knew it was time and I went and prayed over the envelope again, one last time. Then I went to do my daily devotions and what did my ever wandering eye find - the advent word for today is:
Watch!
God
is continually giving us gifts, but we take them and forget God. The habit of
prayer opens the eye of the soul to be watchful for God’s love, to recognize his
hand in his gifts.
-Richard
Meux Benson, SSJE (1824-1915)
Today is definitely the day. I don't need the red envelope anymore. I am going to take it, I am going to embrace the gift and I am not going to forget God. I am going to say Thanks be to God!
Thanks be to God! Thanks be to God! Thanks be to God! May we all embrace the gifts of God and live a life worthy of the gifts.
