Dear Silence, How I Have Missed You

"There must be a stillness and a silence for this Word to make itself heard.  We cannot serve this Word better than in stillness and silence:  there we can hear it and there too we will understand it aright - in the unknowing.  To him who knows nothing, it appears and reveals itself." 

 Meister Eckhart

I welcome the silence in my life as my flock returns to school and work.  I embrace the silence, welcoming it back, knowing that in this space of quiet and letting go of all I perceive to be that God can speak.  I am reclaiming my daily routine of Centering Prayer and allowing space for the Spirit to move and guide me.  I have scheduled monthly silent retreats at Richmond Hill as I continue in this formation process and move forward in this journey toward ordination.  I just need to be present.  The Spirit will lead if I will listen...

Do you have a moment today to stop and just be, to listen for the whisper of the Spirit...

Transitions

Every Friday the Church I serve sends out an e-mail version newsletter that updates people on the happenings for the upcoming Sunday and beyond.  The newsletter begins with a short reflection.  I was blessed with the opportunity to provide the reflection this week and feel compelled to share with all of you.  God's peace be upon you this day.

 

 

"My Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

We all go through transitions throughout our life. Some we choose, some are chosen for us. Transitions provide us an opportunity to open ourselves up to the creative energy of the Holy Spirit. Transitions often mean having to say goodbye to a way of life we have known and hello to a way that is unchartered.

As a church family, these past months we have had to say thank you, goodbye and Godspeed to beloved ministers and leaders. We have had to let go of people so they might follow God's call upon their life, their personal transitions. We also have personal transitions happening; transitions in our health, relationships, family life, jobs, changing homes, even the basic transition of spring into summer and summer into fall.

In preparing my children for a new school year, I notice how God builds these transitions. At elementary school, I am able to walk my sons into their classroom. At middle school, I drop my daughter at the front door, and now my oldest daughter has informed me I should stop at the front porch of our home as she heads off to high school. I can't even contemplate college! In these moments of releasing a beloved into someone else's care, we have a choice to fear the transition or have faith in this journey with God.

I opened my daily devotional, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young, this morning and this is what it said,

"Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one...I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love. When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others in My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do."

We can let go of fear and place our trust in God. Transition provides opportunity for growth and transformation. Let us watch and see what God shall do."

Living Arrows Sent Forth

Two of my ducklings left the nest today.  My oldest daughter for her 2nd mission trip, my 2nd daughter for her 1st mission trip.  I am proud of them for choosing to use part of their summer vacation in service to others and I am excited for them to learn and grow in the Spirit; discovering who they are as one of God's Beloved.  I am poignant because I know that each trip out from the nest is further and longer and one day my nest will be empty and quiet and this Mama will look around and wonder, "How did my babies grow?"  I hope and pray the answer that comes back to me is, "They grew in God and now they are off to serve His purpose."

Thanks be to God and traveling mercies on this mission trip.  Loving God embrace the missioners with a heart of service, embrace their partner families with an overwhelming sense of God in their midst, together may they share in the transformative work of the Spirit.

"And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said: Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." 

--Kahlil Gibran

We Receive You

"We receive you into the household of God.  Confess the faith of Christ cruicified, proclaim his resurrection, and share with us in his eternal priesthood."  BCP pg 308 Holy Baptism

The Bishop is coming today to Baptize, Confirm, ReAffirm and Receive.  What a glorious Spirit filled day this shall be!  Blessings on your Sabbath.

What Are Your Symptoms?

Thanks to Rev. Deacon Mary Beth Emerson our question today is:

What Symptoms are you experiencing??

Bible Challenge Week 2

Our Diocese began the Bible Challenge on Pentecost Sunday.  We are currently in week two.  I am intrigued.  The thing I keep hearing the most from people is how much they are enjoying it and how they never noticed the relevance between the Old and New Testaments before.  The bible is my favorite book.  An amazing love story of a relentless God searching and calling out to His people to be in relationship with Him and these same people falling in and out of love with God; one minute running from Him the next running to Him.  Some people think this book is 2,000 years old and has nothing to do with their lives.  I think the Bible Challenge will "challenge" that thought!  It is relevant, the story - HIS story - is still speaking to us today, it is the Living Word of God.

The readings today are:
Reading: Genesis 28-30; Psalm 10; Matthew 10

and you can find the Meditation here.

The question before us today that intrigues me the most:

How might God be working through you – in spite of yourself?

I have blogged before on the Genesis readings - there is so much there to talk about, the love triangle of Jacob, Rachel and Leah; beloved sisters caught in love and ill used against one another; the lies men weave to gain an upper hand in power and money.  Today though the Matthew readings are sitting with me.  Again too much to unpack in one blog post but here is what caught my eye to meditate on:

The Mission of the Twelve

5 These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: ‘Go nowhere among the Gentiles, and enter no town of the Samaritans,⁶but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.⁷As you go, proclaim the good news, “The kingdom of heaven has come near.”^*8Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers,^* cast out demons. You received without payment; give without payment.⁹Take no gold, or silver, or copper in your belts,¹⁰no bag for your journey, or two tunics, or sandals, or a staff; for labourers deserve their food.¹¹Whatever town or village you enter, find out who in it is worthy, and stay there until you leave.¹²As you enter the house, greet it.¹³If the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you.¹⁴If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town.¹⁵Truly I tell you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgement than for that town.

and we come back to the question:

How might God be working through you – in spite of yourself?

This portion of the Matthew 10 reading can be seen as our job description.  Go!  Go in peace to love and serve the Lord with whomever you meet on the path God has set you on.  Wherever in the world you find yourself today Proclaim the Good News!  Take nothing so that nothing can distract your attention from your holy work.  hmmm now that is where people often stop.  I wonder if this could be the piece that answers "in spite of yourself?"  What might be garnering more of our attention today than God?  What might be drawing our time, energy, money, heart and taking us further from proclaiming the Good News? 

How might God still be working through you - in spite of that challenge? 

Where is God still able to shine your Light?

Sign up here to take the Bible Challenge.

High School, Really?

Last night we attended the 8th grade promotion for my oldest daughter.  I have known this child is getting ready to go to High School.  It is a common subject in our house.  It is a new beginning for her, a first for us as parents and all the kids are intrigued by this place called "High School".  It seems so mysterious to them - kids there look very tall and old, kids there are babysitters, kids there drive cars and get to stay up until midnight!

Last night after the about the third time the principal said, "these teenagers begin their high school career" it hit me like I had thought about it for the first time.  My baby girl is going to High School!  Since she is officially a teenager she would cringe to hear me say it that way, but that is how I feel.  I can still recall the moment she was born with vivid images.  I can still feel how it felt to hold her with just one hand.  Now she is taller then me and moves with such grace.  She is beautiful and smart and witty and now I send her out into this crazy strange new world called High School.

I woke up this morning wanting to re-read the time Jesus got "lost" in the temple:

⁴¹ Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. ⁴² When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. ⁴³ After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. ⁴⁴ Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. ⁴⁵ When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. ⁴⁶ After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸ When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”

⁴⁹ “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”^{[a] 50} But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

⁵¹ Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. ⁵² And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

Luke 2:41-52

There is a lot we could unpack in this scripture but my focus this morning is Mary and her discovery of her son as a teenager finding his way, his faith, his mission.  He was probably taller than her too and we know He was filled with grace.  Do you know that this is the last time we hear of Jesus and Mary until Jesus is 30 years old?  The next time we encounter Jesus is at His baptism.  Do you ever wonder what happened between ages 13-30?  Do you think Mary locked him in his tent to keep him safe, a time out of sorts after his Jerusalem escapade?

Mary doesn't show us how to parent teenagers, how to make it through high school and the stress of tests and decisions about the future, broken hearts and lost sports games.  But she does give us one key that we can hold close and work with as we raise our own high schoolers. "But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.  And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."

As each day goes by in my children's life I find myself just like Mary treasuring moments in my heart.  Treasuring the glimpses of my children as Children of God.  Treasuring the moments when they want a hug from me and even treasuring the moments when they declare I have to drop them off at the movies and I can't join them because it would be too embarrassing to be seen with me.  No matter where they go or what they do, who they are or what they say, I have them in my heart.  They are the treasure in my heart and nothing, nothing can ever change that! 

Today I pray that our Loving God will protect these children He has given me to raise, to grow them in wisdom and in stature that they might find favor in His sight and forgiveness in his arms.  May they stay true to their hearts and faith by serving their fellow man with compassion and understanding, always seeking justice and sharing the Truth.  May I ever be astonished at the gifts God has given them as they use those gifts to glorify God.  Amen!

Bucket O' Blessings

This morning I am headed to a local homeless shelter for pregnant women, their newborn babies and toddlers.  A wonderful group of ladies is joining me and we are going to tackle cleaning the shelter house top to bottom.  It never ceases to amaze me how God provides the hands and in our case also the supplies.  An angel dropped by my house today and filled our Hope Chest with a bucket filled with cleaning supplies and a mop!

Today we do more than clean a shelter, today we bless a home for women and their children who are experiencing crisis.  Imagine yourself beginning your family alone and in a shelter instead of a home.  Today we bless this shelter home for the women God will send this way.  The women who right now might be discovering they are pregnant; who are preparing to leave a violent domestic situation so their children can grow up in peace instead of chaos; the women who thought they had someone who loved and supported them and found out suddenly they do not; the women who had a decent job and a place to live and then went on bed rest without health insurance; the women whose spouse died suddenly, tragically and/or unexpectedly and was the sole financial provider for the family. 

Today we bless this house as an altar in the world so that when these women come through the door they feel God's all encompassing and loving embrace surround them.  Cleaning may not seem like a blessing but I would ask you to challenge that thought.  Barbara Taylor Bradford writes about her experience of the sacred when cleaning a toilet in "Altar In The World" and I have on occasion shared my own story of the baptismal sacredness of doing the dishes for my family.

All moments in our life are sacred, each moment a gift from God,

to be enjoyed and blessed for the glory of God.

Please today, take a sacred moment and lift up a prayer to God for all women who are pregnant and/or new mothers who find themselves without a home and the resources to care for their children.  Pray in thanksgiving for new life and new hope.

"May God protect you from every danger you face.  May God give you the strength and courage to take failure, not as a measure of your worth, but as a chance for a new start.  May prosperity come your way, so that you are free from worry about food and drink, about home and shelter, but May you never be so caught up in material things that you forget that the essence of life lies not in possessions or money, but in love, and in God.  May you find fulfillment in whatever you choose to do.  May you use your talents to serve in the way that God intends you to, helping your fellow humans and walking in the light of God.  May you fully love and may you be fully loved.  May you be a source of light and inspiration to your family and friends, and may they be the same to you.  May you be forever comforted by a strong and enduring faith in God, who created you and who sustains your life." Amen!

(these are excerpts of a prayer written by Ms. Elizabeth K. Camp "Blessing for a Child" and published in the book "Women's Uncommon Prayers; our lives revealed, nurtured, celebrated".  Consult the book for a full version of this beautiful prayer.)

Faith and Work: Making A Connection

My question for you today is this: 

How does your faith inform your work? 

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart,

as working for the Lord, not for men" 

Colossians 3:23 



Holy Goodness It's The Trinity

Today was my first day with my new congregation.  I was very excited to meet everyone and I am still very excited to get to spend time with them and get to know them and the work God is calling them into in this world.

As I was driving to Church I was praying and just thanking God for the drive and this new opportunity for ministry and listening to the song below.  The road I took used to be a dirt road through wooded area.  Today it is a paved road and getting enlarged more and more as new neighborhoods and shopping centers keep being developed.  But it is still tree filled and every now and then you capture a peak of the mountains in the distance.  I was praying for the Holy Spirit to be with me, to help me let people see less of me and more of Christ.

The Church is in the downtown area of a historic town.  I had the choice of turning down two different streets and I planned on passing the first one and turning onto the next one.  As I passed the first one I looked down the street just to make sure I had my bearings correct. 

Three deer stood in the middle of the street!  All standing with their heads close together and staring straight at me!  "Holy Goodness" is what I proclaimed!  I wanted to slam on the brakes and go in reverse so I could take a picture.  All I could think of was the Trinity!  It is Trinity Sunday and God just gave me a Trinity to witness.

I wonder this week how God will reveal the Trinity to you?

Thanks be to the One God: Creator, Redeemer, Life Giving Spirit!

Trinity:  "Mission is of the very essence of the God we know as Trinity, and like holiness, part of God’s very nature, not simply an attribute. God is a missionary God, a sending God. Just as the Father sent the Son and the Father and the Son sent the Spirit, so the Father, Son, and Spirit sends the Church into the world."   -Br. Kevin Hackett

Arms Wide Open

 Where Does the Temple Begin, Where Does It End?

by Mary Oliver (Why I Wake Early)

"There are things you can't reach.  But

you can reach out to them, and all day long.

The wind, the bird flying away.  The idea of God.

And it can keep you as busy as anything else, and happier.

The snake slides away; the fish jumps, like a little lily,

out of the water and back in; the goldfinches sing

     from the unreachable top of the tree.

I look; morning to night I am never done with looking.

Looking I mean not just standing around but standing around

     as though with your arms wide open.

And thinking:  maybe something will come, some

     shining coil of wind,

                         or a few leaves from any old tree--

                 they are all in this too.

And now I will tell you the truth.

Everything in the world

comes.

At least, closer.

And, cordially.

Like the nibbling, tinsel-eyed fish; the unlooping snake.

Like goldfinches, little dolls of gold

fluttering around the corner of the sky

of God, the blue air."

Take a moment today.  Stand there.  Open your arms wide. 

Reach out to the idea of God.

And tell me ... what whisper do you hear in the silence? 

Hear what the Spirit is saying....

Food & Faith: Breaking Bad

Mother's Day 2011 - I decided every Mother's Day I was going to break one bad habit.  A habit that was becoming something of an addiction and/or compulsion.  My faith tells me I need nothing in this world except God - so if I feel I need anything else during the day then I am making an idol out of something. 
My idol was Dt. Coke.  My addiction had become so bad that I was drinking 5-6 a day (at least).  My husband would find open cans in my car, kitchen, bedroom, office.  I would have them stashed in the Church office and in my purse.  I might have been on the verge of keeping a stocked mini-cooler in my van if God hadn't given me the idea to break free.

I went cold turkey - drank a ton of them on Mother's Day and then woke up Monday morning with a new resolve.  I knew the caffeine and chemicals were bad for me.  A doctor on TV one day - I am an avid fan of Dr. Oz and it was a guest of his - said "I tell my patients Soda is the Devil's Urine."  Now grab that visual and still chug one down!

Day 1 - I survived by sheer willpower and determination not to be broken on my first day!  Crying out, "God help me!".

Day 2 - I barely survived and only by praying out to God - "I am weak but you are strong, save me!"

Day 3 - I managed to walk around almost semi-human but only because I had to.  I remember texting my brother "I feel like a crack addict, this withdrawal is unbelievable, what is going on?"  I had a severe headache, I was lethargic, I was cranky beyond cranky, I even feel like I had the shakes and kept reaching for a can of dt. coke - just wanting to hear the pop of the tab, to listen to the fizz of the bubbles, to take that first glorious sip of straight chemical sugar!  My brother's reply was so... uhm... empathetic, "you are an addict to dt. coke, this is an addiction, listen to your body telling you."  Ugh!  Couldn't delude myself any longer and make flippant "I am addicted to dt.coke" remarks anymore.  Now it was real.  Prayer to God - unceasing!

Day 4 - I woke up alive!  And filled with Joy and energy and ready to conquer the world!  I could see clearly now, no dt. coke fuzzy filter!  ;-)

Today I am a year and about 18 days free from Dt. Coke.  Bad habit broken.  At first I replaced those physical cravings  with seltzer water - but I really didn't need that for more than 2 weeks.  It was true for me what some have said - after 21 days I didn't crave anymore and after 6 months I didn't even think about it anymore.  Now I don't drink any soda at all, green tea (the real stuff, brewed myself with no sugar or sweeteners) is my drink of choice along with water.  Isn't God so good?  God gave us water and tea leaves and go figure that drinking just those I feel amazing.  Even a cup of coffee every now and then reminds me that water is what I really want. 

Living Water - Jesus is the Living Water in our life and in our souls and when we thirst isn't our thirst really for God?  Breaking Bad with Dt. Coke gave me a new awareness and appreciation for the gift of water and made room in my life for the Spirit to move.  (I will leave for another post the alarming number of people in our world who do not have access to clean drinking water!)

This Mother's Day I gave up Fast Food Restaurants - I will NOT eat at any restaurant that has a drive-thru (and this includes their counterparts housed in a mall or rest stop area.)  I am 18 days free of Breaking Bad with Fast Food.  Amazing - I wonder if my veins have yet recovered from the salt and grease, probably need 18 months to work all that out of my system!  Drive Thru(s) had become my best friend in my crazy, living in my car some days schedule.  My first clue I was addicted was my kids saying, "NO, not again" and refusing to eat any fast food.  Let the little children teach us!

Breaking Bad with food addiction - could it be as simple (and complex) as allowing God to love us and loving God back?  Could it be as simple as realizing we are sacred beings housed in this unglamorous, often traitorous flesh?  The Holy Spirit is loving us and calling us, can we hear through the cacophony of physical cravings or denial of physical cravings?  Let's face it people are addicted with food on the full spectrum from anorexia and bulimia to binging and compulsive over-eating.  No matter where on the spectrum, it is obsessive thought with tangible food - when our thoughts should be focused on God.

Paul often uses the word "Beloved" when speaking to us.  Be Loved.  Be Love.  I wonder if we allowed ourselves to Be Loved by God which enables us to Be Love in the world - who would have time for food addiction?  Be"ing" Love is life altering and all consuming.

The question I ponder today is can we allow ourselves to Be Loved by our God?  It isn't a question of whether or not God loves us - We Are Loved!  The real question is can we accept that we are Loved, we are Love - can we wake up this morning, look into the mirror and say "Good Morning God!  Good Morning Love!  What shall we do together today?"

Beloved, Be Love today!

"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13

Beginning Again

Beginning - the point at which something comes into existence.

Every ending is a beginning just as every beginning is an ending.

This blog started out for me as a way to journal, write, meditate on how God was forming me through the process of discerning that I was being called into ministry. This really has been a place for me to put my 2am ramblings when our relentless God has woken me up and won't let me go.

Now I have finished school, taken my exams and begun my Practicum at my new Church.  I read a lot of blogs and at this point in most people's process they close their first blog and begin a new one. I have been contemplating that change for about 6 months. Do I stop blogging? Do I start a new blog?

I thought about stopping. Then I found out my blog is being shared among some churches and Mom's groups and outreach ministries. I was encouraged not to stop. So should I start a new one or refocus this one?

I really still feel called to this blog - but I also really feel called to become more intentional about sharing God's call in my life as a minister, mother and wife. How do I as an ordinary person, living an ordinary life hear God? And upon hearing God how do I act upon His Voice?

Today is the feast day of the Visitation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Mary doesn't get much play in the Episcopal Church. I consider Mary to be the ultimate example of human servanthood, the great "Here I am Lord, let it be as you will", she lived her life as a living sacrifice. So it seems appropriate on her feast day to renew my commitment to sharing my story of God's call in my life and truly what that means for any person who happens to read this blog - to consider how God is calling you and what will you decide to do with that call? How will you let the Holy Spirit live into your experience, will you see with the eyes of Christ, will you hear with the ears of Christ, will you feel with the heart of Christ, will you serve with the hands and feet of Christ? Will you accept your place at the table? Will you acknowledge your giftedness and bring it into the Body of Christ and share your Light with all the world?

I hope we can all respond, "I will, with God's help"!

So the blog stays, Grace is still Meeting this Girl and blessings overflow. I will be inviting guest writers to join me with their stories and will be adding book recommendations and a few other fun things. If you have something you would like to share just let me know.  The more we share how the Living Word moves through us the more sacred space we create.  Let us remember the Blessed Virgin Mary today as she went to her cousin Elizabeth and shared her story of the Angel Gabriel coming to her announcing she was "destined to bear the One Who was Himself the beginning of the New Covenant".  (James Kiefer)

Cheers to Beginning Again!

"Father in heaven, by whose grace the virgin mother of your incarnate Son was blessed in bearing him, but still more blessed in keeping your word: Grant us who honor the exaltation of her lowliness to follow the example of her devotion to your will; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever." Amen!  (Holy Women, Holy Men)

Introverts 'R Us

If you google "definition of introvert" this is what pops up first:

A shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.

A person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.

I couldn't disagree more!!  So, I kept looking on-line for a definition of introvert that really conveys the truth for me - an introvert.

 "Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people."  Now that definition is pretty on target! Read the rest of the article for some great info - especially if you are an extrovert who has an introvert in your life.

I used to be labeled "shy" and "reticent" and in the high school world I was definitely considered "self-centered" - in fact my husband's initial opinion of me:  'snob' I believe was the word he used.  I used to practice in the mirror having a smile on my face, a welcoming look to help me get past those labels, because they don't fit my personality.  I am quiet, I am introspective, I am a watcher more than a talker, I take in my surroundings and I take in the people around me.  I take in their energy, I can feel their emotions, sometimes I can "feel" what isn't being said and it enables me to form the right questions to ask so they can voice what they didn't even know needed to be voiced.  Far from being self-centered or removed from people I love people and exploring what they are thinking and feeling and discovering what they desire and need.

I used to laugh out loud at the shocked faces of people who thought me "painfully shy"when they would hear me speak out the first time.  The truth is I have a strong voice and generally a lot to say once I get going and I am not absent a sense of humor ;-)  There is some truth to the commentary "It's always the quiet ones...."

I don't believe introverts are concerned with their "own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things" as much as introverts are concerned with thoughts and feelings and dispatch with the small talk.  Please don't talk to me about the weather, let's just enjoy it.  Let's be silent and feel the sun washing over our faces warming our souls and brightening our Spirits.  Let's be quiet so we can hear the tap, tap of the rain on the roof of the front porch and watch the leaves on the bushes glisten with the shine of raindrops slipping through them.  Let's thank God as Creation reaches out to amaze and enlighten us!

Sundays are my 'on' day - as they are for all ministers, pastors, preachers.  From the moment I step on sacred church ground I pull out every extrovert trick in the book.  I can welcome, shake hands, talk about yesterday's 5K and the threat of war in the Sudan.  I can sing, confess, lead prayer, preach, teach and dismiss with conviction and love.  I can chat over coffee, I can go out to lunch with parishioners and discuss the gospel for the day, I can attend a planning meeting and I can run a class in the evening.

And the minute I step through my home's front door I can feel the Spirit leave me as in a balloon that is slowly being deflated.  I can stand in my foyer and look at my home as if I didn't know where I was and walk slowly into the office to set my bag down.  I can drop on my couch and wonder at all the people in my house and why they want to talk to me still - oh yes because they are my husband and kids who haven't seen me all day.  So, I pull up my bootstraps and bring on the last vestiges of energy I can find for them.  Because I love them I can do this.  Come Monday morning at 8am I thank God for work and school as I sit in my quiet house, with just the hum of the washing machine.

Introverts give all their energy to the people who surround them.  Quiet and silence "recharge" those batteries.  I used to be ashamed of this, I used to try and deny and always be "on" for people.  But the truth will set you free and once I understood where I gain my energy and where I use my energy I was able to take care of myself - which makes me even better able to care for those in my life. 

Sunday was a big day for me this past week because it was my last day at my home parish - and on Monday I sat on my couch and just sat, and sat, and sat.  When everyone came home from work and school and wanted to know what I "did" for the day I just looked at them - "I sat here".  When they asked me what was for dinner I just looked at them, "cereal and peanut butter sandwiches".  They looked at me like I dropped in from another planet.  But it's okay, one day of sitting recharges me, one day of quiet fulfilled me and it takes nothing from them to allow me that time.  It really won't scar them for life to eat cereal for dinner once in awhile. ;-)

And today I woke up revving to go - the laundry is in, the coffee is brewing, I packed lunches, am working on the dinner menu for the week, getting ready to go grocery shopping.  I have my workout clothes on and will get that done first.  I have my "canonicals" (final exams) this week and I am feeling the Spirit ready to explode in my head and heart and give the words to speak the Truth I know.

Hug your Introvert today - you don't even need to say I love you when you do it, your Introvert can feel it through the circle of your arms and the thump of your heartbeat.  Your love courses through their Spirit when you allow that moment of silence to wrap around you both together.  The greatest gift my husband ever gives me are the days when he walks in from work and smiles at me, walks over and just hugs me, the 3 minute hug where his strong arms hold me up and I lay my head on his chest and can hear his heart calling out to mine.  We need no words.  And then he lets me go and calls out to the kids, "let's go outside and run around".  I can watch from the window, smiling, taking in their screams of joy and laughter as they jump on the trampoline and chase each other for capture the flag.  And soon I am able to join them, mingling my voice and laughter with theirs our energies entwining together and the language of Love speaking for us and through us.

Thanks be to God! 

(Have an Introvert in your life and want to understand how to care for them, this is a great (funny) article written by an Introvert.)

"14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,^*15from whom every family^* in heaven and on earth takes its name.¹⁶I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit,¹⁷and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love."  Ephesians 3:14-17

Sometimes God says Go!

I have been at my sponsoring parish for 6-7 years and yesterday I said goodbye. 

I am taking this week off - how strange to not be preparing for Pentecost Sunday at Church - preparing for the descent of the Holy Spirit celebrating the 'birthday' of the church.  I was able to preach a couple of times yesterday and one of my sermons I spoke about God answering our Prayers.  I talked about sometimes God says "Yes", sometimes God says, "Wait" and sometimes God says, "No"!

For me now, God is saying "Go"! 

"I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’"  Joshua 1:9

I feel like a baby bird leaping out of the nest.  My sponsoring church is my family, they have raised me up and loved me, fed me, cared for me and watched me grow.  They have both protected me and nudged me out of my comfort zones pushing me bit by bit closer to the edge of the nest.

Here I Go!

I woke up this morning to the hymn "On Eagles Wings" playing through my soul.  Does that happen to you?  Do you ever wake up to music?  The verse "I will raise you up" kept going through my mind.  I have been raised up and now it is time to take flight and see where God might take me.

Mommies and Food Insecurity

Some mornings God brings you to your knees.

This morning I could barely stand and I almost dropped to my knees in the kitchen, drawn there by the hand of God.  As I sit and reflect I should have given into the pull.  My kids would have understood, they are used to me and God having our moments together. 

I was making peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast and lunch.  The boys and I were talking about our Hope Chest this month and our family newsletter.  This month we are collecting donations of bottled water and sunscreen for homeless and precariously housed children.  We were discussing the need for these boys and girls to have sunscreen and bottled water as school is ending and they will be outside all day and it is going to be so hot. 

My older son - 9yrs - said "but Mommy they really need food, why aren't we doing food?".  And we discussed how in June the kids will still be in school a bit and getting breakfast and lunch at school but he was right in July they would be really hungry so our June newsletter we will start collecting food and in July we will collect school supplies to give to them in August for when school starts back up.

All of a sudden I looked down and realized that my little family goes through a half of loaf of bread just for breakfast and lunch in one day.  I was stunned.  I was spreading the peanut butter and I physically doubled over as all of a sudden all the Mommies who were getting their kids up for school and had no bread or peanut butter in their pantry came rushing into my heart.

In our county 1 in every 6 kids is food insecure.  That means in every classroom there are 4-5 kids who do not know where their next meal is coming from.  We live in the 1st-2nd richest county in the US according to Forbes magazine.  In just 10 minutes I  can be in another county and those numbers can double, go further south and/or west and into another state and those numbers can triple and quadruple.

I walked to the fridge and got out the ham, turkey and the cheese and worked on more lunches and the images were rolling through my soul of all the Mommies who could not make lunches for their kids with choices.  I can call out, "did you want ham or turkey today?  pretzels or fritos?  apple or pear?  which dessert did you want?  water, milk or apple juice?"  There are Mommies I know who can only afford to scramble one egg a morning - made with water not milk - for all 3 of their children to share.  I know mommies who have to measure out cereal in the morning because they can't afford for the kids to pour it themselves or they might not have enough to make it through the week.

The boys and I talked about opening our pantry and finding NO food and my little one said - "well I would just go to the fridge" and I said, "but then you open the fridge and nothing is in there".  They both looked at me with wide eyes and said "What?  No food?".  Tears formed in my eyes as I responded "Yes - no food".  My older son then shared a story about sleeping over at a friends house and coming home and not having eaten anything for 5 hours and how much it made his stomach hurt and how horrible that was.  I asked them, "what do you think it would feel like to not eat all day?"  They said "very sad" and then I said, "and imagine if you didn't know if you woke up in the morning if you would have any food either."

How broken is my heart this morning for all the Mommies who face this very real life everyday?  It isn't an imagination game for them, it isn't a teachable moment for their children on compassion and sharing blessings.  It is real.  Their kids are hungry, starving - physically.  Which can lead to mental, emotional and spiritual starvation; eternal effects.  What does a Mommy do?  How does she feel when she looks upon her babies and she can't supply their need and their big eyes look up at her haunted and needing?

I hope she can fall to her knees and look upon God for her strength.  I pray to God to embrace my Mommy Sisters, hold them tight and whisper in their soul, "You my Beloved, stay strong and I will provide for your babies just as I provide for the birds of the air and the flowers of the field.  Do not worry, put your trust in me."  And then my Sister Mommies out there who have a full pantry and fridge, may God whisper in your heart, "My beloved, your Sister and her babies go hungry today, take from what you have and give it away, fill their stomachs just as I will fill their soul."

God as our Mother would never leave us insecure - not in food, not in love.  God gives us one another so that we might feed each other with food and nourish each other with love and support.  What Mommy can you lift up today so that she can stand before her children brave and bold and supporting them in all she is and all she can give?

As Mother's Day Approaches...

Motherhood is a calling.

We can forget that. 

I prayed to God to give me children to love and nurture.

I can forget that these human beings given to me to care for, guide and grow are answers to those prayers.

Motherhood is not a Hallmark Moment or a Pampers Commercial.

We can forget that.

We can begin to believe that there is something called the "Good Mother" and begin to believe we fall short.

We must Remember!

Motherhood is a calling.  It is filled with love, so much love our heart would explode!  It is filled with adventure and we must use all of God's humor and Grace as we embrace the journey.  It is filled with heartbreak as we watch our children stumble and fall, struggle and sometimes get their hearts stomped on.  Motherhood shines light on all of our shortcomings as humans and gives us glimpses of the women of courage and boldness we are.  Motherhood is pure Joy as we watch our children discover who they are, embrace God's love for them and witness their walk in this world.

Motherhood is a calling, we are vessels of creation and unconditional love. 

As Mother's Day approaches take time to consider the God who Mothers us, the women God has given us as Mothers and the Mothers we can be to the children who look to us. 

The calling of Motherhood asks us to bear witness and example to the unconditional love God has for each of His children. 

Remember the Mothers in your life and honor them by showing the world the love you have received.

Back In The Saddle

The Lord is Risen indeed and fasting has come to an end!  Alleluia, Alleluia!

I have been on a sabbatical of sorts and an electronics fast.  How itchy I felt to get back to work.  I know God wanted me to rest, renew, refresh, be present in the Spirit as I prepare for the next steps in my formation process, but wow can it be hard!

I read about a book a day and fed my mind and my heart and my soul.  I sat for hours on my back porch in the cold crisp air, sipping hot steamy coffee and staring into the sunrise.  I played in the dirt for hours at a time, fully immersed in Creation, letting my thoughts cease and my heart open as I transplanted and planted this warmer than usual Spring.  I made phone calls and actually spoke to people (amazing what happens when you give up e-mail, texting, FB and twitter!). I wrote letters and visited the good folks at the post office.  I went on walks and surprised friends by showing up on their front porch with just my sweaty self and my drooling dog asking if they wanted to make me a cup of coffee and chat.  I turned up my music really loud and leaned back in my chair soaking in the sounds and stories.  I lost interest in all my little tv shows I used to tivo and watch when I wanted my mind to just wander - true confession, I really don't care if the housewives of anywhere are laughing or crying or more commonly screaming, may God continue to bless them as they search to fill a void - somehow they must think TV cameras and producers will fill that void but I am pretty sure God is the only One who can.

I know for me God filled my void, my soul, my heart, my mind, my thoughts, unceasing prayer is so much easier when you turn off the electronic world, that constant barrage of information, most of it not necessary to my actual living life.  Quieting my world actually enlarged my world and opened up my creativity, most people were worried that I wouldn't be able to get by and would lose touch.  And I did in a way, with some people and I did realize that our life can not take a step backward from technology, it is here and moving forward and we are all reliant and interconnected in this way.  To wish it away is foolishness for me, now to embrace it in a way that glorifies God.  This is the challenge.  All these tools, all these ways to reach people, what an opportunity for worship, healing, reconciliation, prayer.

I also realized that technology is a privilege, a necessary privilege.  Those who have no access to technology are truly in the margins of society.  Just dealing with the public school system opened my eyes to the need of each parent who has a child in school to have access to e-mail and the Internet, otherwise you know NOTHING that is going on with your kids.  In 40 days I received two phone calls from the school and one printed sheet of information.  And this extends to extra-curricular clubs and sports teams.

Obviously, I learned a lot - too much for one post and of course I have lots of thoughts to share.  I am headed back to work today though and looking forward to meeting some new people and learning about some new community projects.  It is time.  God has given me this time of rest and I knew that when God said "Go!" I had better be ready.

Blessings my friends, blessings on your technology - use it wisely, blessings on the work God brings to you today, some to uplift and encourage you and some to challenge and extend you, may you do all that you do for the glory of the Risen Lord!