The Gift is from God

A couple of weeks ago I went out to check our Hope Chest for more coats.  I had a little boy in need of a winter coat and some gloves.  God is good all the time and what did my wandering eyes find but a sturdy, clean, warm coat just the right size.  Thanks be to God.

It is easy for me to recognize these gifts from God.  The gifts that arrive on my doorstep or desk that I have the privilege of delivering to someone else.  It has been more than once that I have been earnestly praying for someone or a need for someone and the answered prayer shows up in my Hope Chest or my inbox or the person tells me how God has been moving in their life.  Gifts from God.

The thing about gifts is I love to give them.  Especially when I find something so special and wonderful and it calls out the name of the person it is meant for.  What is hard for me is receiving gifts.  Always has been.  So when my wandering eyes also caught sight of a red envelope with our family's name on it, well quite frankly I got a little apprehensive.  I actually shut the Hope Chest and walked back inside leaving it there.  I didn't want it, couldn't accept it, wasn't worthy of it.  I didn't even know what "it" was!

A week earlier one of my beloved mentors challenged me to think about gifts; the tangible and intangible gifts I receive.  I went absolutely silent.  Not because I couldn't think of a gift but because too many came rushing to my mind.  I had just had a series of days where I could name 4-5 times a day God showed up gifting me in unexpected grace filled ways.  Exactly what I needed in the exact moment I needed it.  I wanted to cry from the abundance of gifts.  Instead of cry I chose not to speak.  As we went into silent retreat I claimed each one of those gifts in my memories and in my heart and said prayers of thanksgiving for each person who presented the gifts to me.

Then this red envelope arrived.  I walked back outside and looked at it again.  I just closed the Hope Chest and walked back in again.  Pacing, praying, pacing.  Then I went back out, looked at it again and picked it up.  Held it, read it, prayed over it.  This time I brought it in the house and set it on my desk next to my prayer vigil candle.  I use this candle to pray intercessory prayers and I keep lists of those I am praying for and their needs.  I added the red envelope and just said Thank you God.

This red envelope is more than a gift someone gave our family.  This red envelope is more than a "secret santa".  This envelope is a gift from God.  Whatever is in this envelope it is wrapped in grace and hope.  I know it was wrapped in love and prayer.  The Holy Spirit heard my prayers and invited someones heart to enter my journey.  Each day when I sat down to pray for others and myself I would see the envelope and I would smile.  I would know God was with me, is with me, Emmanuel.  This time of Advent, this time of waiting, this time of gift giving while we await the greatest gift ever of God coming amongst us again - it is also a time of re-awakening to the fact that God is with us.  Right now.  In this minute.  This red envelope is my tangible reminder.  When the world looks too cruel, when injustice upon injustice is occurring in our streets and in our world, when personal hurts are more pronounced during this "festive holiday season" God is with us.  God is with us!  God has gifted us with God's presence, God's touch, God's love, God's mercy, God's grace, God's unrelenting passion and love for us, pursuing us and inviting us into relationship. 

God is with us.  God gifts us.  I have a red envelope to prove it!

I am going to open the envelope today.  It is after all St. Nicholas Day.  I have been waiting for the right moment.  Waiting for the Holy Spirit to tell me that it was time.  This morning I woke up and knew it was time and I went and prayed over the envelope again, one last time.  Then I went to do my daily devotions and what did my ever wandering eye find - the advent word for today is:

Watch! 

God is continually giving us gifts, but we take them and forget God. The habit of prayer opens the eye of the soul to be watchful for God’s love, to recognize his hand in his gifts.

-Richard Meux Benson, SSJE (1824-1915)

 

Today is definitely the day.  I don't need the red envelope anymore.  I am going to take it, I am going to embrace the gift and I am not going to forget God.  I am going to say Thanks be to God!

 

Thanks be to God!  Thanks be to God!  Thanks be to God!  May we all embrace the gifts of God and live a life worthy of the gifts.

 

#thanksliving Home is my Hubby

I don’t like to clean.  Just not a fan of the mundane do it again tasks.  I pray A LOT while I am cleaning.  If I don’t I become resentful of the task.   I will moan that I have to wash the dishes – for the 6^th time today or that I truly believe I have washed, dried, folded and tucked away the same kid’s shirt 3x in one week.  I learned to pray during the tasks to keep me thankful.  Thankful I have dishes to wash which means my kids have enough to eat, thankful I have clothes to fold and put away because it means I have a house full of children who have enough to wear.  Even still truth be told I would rather sit on my front porch and read!

Today I find myself cleaning the house in preparation for our first Sunday Dinner.  The Hubby and I have been praying to God and asking guidance and one thing has become clear for us.   We want to introduce our kids to the concept of the Sunday Dinner.  Neither my husband nor I really experienced this growing up but we have heard stories.  We are nostalgic for something we didn’t grow up with.  We are drawn to the idea of a true Sabbath.  A day to worship God, share a meal with friends and family, pray and play together, enjoy one another, relax into the arms of God and let the scriptures from the day envelop us.

This is my first true Sabbath preparation.  Cleaning the house, putting away the work, preparing the meals in advance, making it so all we have to do is get up in the morning and step into the day with God.  Tomorrow is exciting for us as a new beginning and it is my husband’s birthday with our family coming over to celebrate.  Technically I don’t need to clean for family.  They know us and love us anyway and they have had the joy of us leaving a trail of dirty socks and loose toys at their house when we come to visit.

Thanksliving has me walking through my house cleaning and rejoicing in memories.  We have a very simple house.  It really needs to be painted and the furniture saw much better times 15 years ago.  Everything is well worn and much loved.  It may not be fancy but each item tells a story.  As I dust and sweep, scrub and vacuum I know where each item came from and the story behind it.  The vase of flowers from my mother-in-law's funeral, the pictures of the kids when we first moved into this house, the candle my husband gave me on my first mother’s day, the picture my parents sent me as an ordination gift, the pottery and drawings my kids made in elementary school that have place of honor in each room.

The Hubby and I have been thinking about where we might want to live after retirement.  It seems far away but it really isn’t.  We joke that what I really want is to purchase some land and build a small compound.  The main house for us and family dinners and cabins on the property for each of the kids so they will visit with their families and then stay for a very long time.  As I walk through the house cleaning and praying over everything in thanksgiving for all that is God’s that we have been given to enjoy I realize it doesn’t matter where we live or where we go because I will always be home.  My Hubby is my home.  Each part of this house has him in it.  His energy, his love, his steadfast care and devotion for his family, his refusal to paint because the kids will just get their dirty hands and feet everywhere!  And he doesn’t really care if I clean the house.  He only cares that I am in the house with him.  Because for him where I am is home.  All he ever asks of me is to share my heart and my time with him.  Nothing more and nothing less.

Thanksliving.  So today I clean in preparation of our Sabbath with God and our celebration of my husband’s birthday.  I clean in honor of my Hubby and our home knowing that wherever he is I shall follow.  “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.”  Ruth 1:16 

 

The porch lights on, come on in if ya wanna.

 

#thanksliving Just Too Busy

How many times a day do we say we are too busy?

This past year I am embarrassed by how many times I made that statement.  I overheard a conversation today where a person told their friend, "Of course I show up late to everything.  If I don't show up late no one will think I am important."  I wonder if we are also "too busy" because it makes us feel important?

Or maybe we are just too busy.  Maybe we have said "Yes" a lot and now we are committed a lot.  This past year God really shook my world and I realized I was too busy for God, for my family and for my friends.  It hurts to admit that.  It hurts even more to think of those I hurt by being too busy.

Today I was praying for all the friends and family who hurt, who feel left behind, lost, misunderstood, not heard, not supported, unloved by those they love the most.  I was praying for all those who ask someone to spend time with them, talk to them, hear and see them only to hear "I am too busy."  We have all said it.  We have all heard it.

God is never too busy.  God always sees us, hears us, knows us (the real us).  God is always waiting for us to sit still and just be open to being noticed, heard and loved.  We can show up early, on time or even late and God is there. 

Thanksliving.

God is always there - whether we are too busy or not - God is always there.  In thankfulness for God always being there for me today I set aside my schedule and I called a friend.  I sat in my prayer chair, turned off the clock and opened myself up to conversation.  I had told my friend I was too busy this past week to talk.  Today I decided I was too busy talking with her to do anything else.  My friend needed that talk.  She is feeling sad, lonely, and lost.  She needed to reconnect and center.  Truth is I needed that talk today also.  I needed to be available, to be a friend, to listen and hear, to support and encourage.  We need one another. 

Thanksliving.

**While I was writing this another friend called me and invited me to a joyous event.  I had to say No, I was too busy that day *sigh*.  However, this time we made alternate plans instead of leaving it at the fact that I was too busy for this event.  I am hopeful.  Baby steps.  I know God will be at the event!

#thanksliving Breaking The Rules

There are very clear rules in our house.  No PDA.  At least No Public Displays of Affection from the Mommy!  From a young age my crew had definite ideas of when I would be allowed to hug and kiss them and it was pretty clear it was to be in the house only - and not while friends were around.  Every now and then we break the rules.  Sometimes I grab a quick hug as they run out the door or place a speed kiss on their cheek as they are doing the dishes.  Seriously, who can resist loving on a kid who is washing the dishes??  And church during the peace.  My kids let me hug them in public during the peace. I mean God is watching right?  They have heard the whole Honor your Mother commandment from their Deacon.

This is why when I walked Little R to school today I stood in complete shock until a knowing smile from a friend brought me back to the moment.  You see I stopped walking at our agreed upon spot so he could walk independently the rest of the way.  Normally I get a rushed "see ya Mom" as he races off, free from my slow steps.  Today he took three steps, turned back to me and ran into my arms and gave me a huge hug and I couldn't resist dropping a kiss on the top of his head and holding on as long as he would let me.

Amazing Grace!  This was a serious Thank You God prayer all my walk back home and even into the house where the rest of the kids wanted to know why I had a goofy grin on my face.  So, I told them.  And guess what?  They all hugged me on the way out of the door this morning!!  Grace upon Grace.

I went on with my day.  I planned on visiting a few of our county homeless shelters and checking with case managers to see how our students were faring the first week of school and get an update on any school supply needs.  I started thinking about Case Managers and how they are a lot like mothers; how they take individuals into their care and help guide them, showing them choices and offering advice on making choices, having to set and maintain rules.  I wondered how often their clients want to be free of them, embarrassed to need them and yet often turning back and saying Thank You. 

While my plans to visit the case managers remained the same Thanksliving broke in and my conversation changed.  I did indeed ask how students were and inquired about supply needs.  But instead of sticking to business as usual and keeping a fast pace towards my next destination I stopped.  I stopped, I looked back and I gave them a hug and I said Thank You.  I asked them how they were doing.  I learned about their kids, their health, their recent vacations and the stress of their workload.  I stopped.  I looked into their eyes.  I took a moment to hold us in a place of relationship where I saw them - them - not just their work.  And I thanked them.  I thanked them for being parents and spouses and co-workers and for the amazing work they do with our homeless brothers and sisters.  The amount of work they do is staggering and most of it is done amidst heightened emotions and in crisis situations.

It might seem so simple.  To stop.  To look at someone.  To have a conversation where the only goal was relationship and thank you and encouragement.  When was the last time you experienced a simple conversation, face to face, where you heard Thank You just for being You?

The hug my son gave me (in public!) was a Thank You just for being his Mom and I loved every minute of it.

Thanksliving!

#thanksliving An Intentional Adventure of Gratitude

About 5 years ago I came across the term "thanksliving".  I have heard of it in two ways:  Vegans celebrating Thanksgiving with plant based foods call the feast Thanksliving and Thanksliving as in a way of living a life of gratitude.  When I first heard the term it sparked an idea for my family to create a monthly newsletter supporting different non-profits.  We managed it for about 3 years.  Then organized chaos as we knew our life to be went hyperspeed and the newsletter became a fond memory.

In my current prayer life the words gratitude and thank you, generosity and intentional living keep coming to the forefront.  When God speaks in my life the words tend to get louder (and louder) until I pay attention.  The words are everywhere.  My kids are using "thank you" more often without prompting (yeah!).  On facebook people are taking the gratitude challenge and the 5 days of thankfulness posts are popping up.  Every time I walk into my kitchen our Family Rules jump out at me:  Be Thankful; Be Grateful.

If those are the directives I give to my family how do I provide an example of living a life of gratitude?  Thanksliving.

It seems to me we first become grateful.  We name and claim the blessings we recognize in our life.  The kids and I were talking and I mentioned to them my first thought when I wake up in the morning is "Thank You God!  Thank you for a new day."

What if we kept going?  What if we walked through our days intentionally looking for moments of gratitude?  The more we see them, feel them, share them, the more thankful we become.

Then what?  What happens when we are thankful?  Just from observing thankful people around me I realize the more thankful people become the more generous they become.  The more people present lives of gratitude the less they see scarcity and the more willing they are to share.  Share their lives, their hearts, their friendship, their hospitality, eventually their all.

The world is so broken, so dark, so scary right now.  Part of my work as a Deacon is to live in the brokenness, to witness within it, to share with others what I see, feel and experience.  That's hard.  It's also real.  As a Mommy I look at my kids growing up in these uncertain times and I know I can't shield them or really even protect them from the reality of the world we live.  However, I can provide an example of being Thankful in all circumstances.  I can be a witness that Joy is not an emotion such as happiness that comes and goes depending on what is happening or not happening around me.  I can show them that Joy is possible in all things because God is in all things.  God is and was and ever shall be and moves amongst us now in the midst of the broken, the dark and the scary.  God is ever with us.

Once we recognize, name and claim our moments of gratitude and we proclaim our thank you we have one more place we can go; living our lives intentionally in generosity.  Our very lives become our Thank You to God.  Thanksliving.

I haven't received a Gratitude or Thankfulness challenge on facebook.  So I have been challenging myself to live a life of Thanksliving.  Each day to say Thank You and do something tangible to express my Thank You.  Now it's time to share.

A new adventure for this Mommy Deacon; Join me?

Today my active response to my first prayer of the day, my "Thank You God for this new day" is to donate blood.  I was born with congenital heart disease and doctors were able to save my life.  My body is able to oxygenate my own blood.  Not only was I saved but I have gone on to live a full and active life.  Thanks be to God!  My heart pumping blood was gifted back to me.  In Thanksliving I share that gift with others today.  May it please God.

#LoveLife Week One

My Lenten Discipline is the #LoveLife daily meditations offered by the brothers of SSJE.  You can subscribe to the daily e-mail videos:  http://ssje.org/ssje/lovelife/

I had planned on writing each day of Lent for #LoveLife.  We plan and God laughs.  Here is my attempt to catch up.  Blessed be our Lenten Journey.

 

Conversion

 

 Where can you know abundant life? Where can you still grow?

            Each morning when I awake I know abundant life.  For me there is a deep knowledge that each day is a gift I have been given.  I was born with congenital heart disease and my parents were told I wouldn’t live past age 12.  Then God saved my heart and my life with ground breaking surgery.  I have a full and abundant life.  Each morning I wake up and my first thought is “Yes, another day, thank you God!”

            And then my feet hit the ground and I get busy and I forget to stay present in the moment.  I still have a long way to grow, to stay present, to stay thankful, to remember each breathe is a gift and opportunity.

Gospel

What new word is God speaking to you today?

Stirring.

Scripture

Write a wish for your journey along the way.

            Holding in tension things earthly and things heavenly.  I wish for the “sweet spot” where earth and heaven meet.  I have a colleague who uses the term “sweet spot” when they feel the Holy Spirit take them over and they feel heaven even though they are fully earth bound.  I have had those moments.  They are amazing!  I have also blocked myself from those moments.  I wish to stay open to the movement of the Spirit, to experience the “sweet spot”.

Revelation Conversation

 

 

Can you allow yourself to be vulnerable and be embraced?

            At some point in my life I stopped chasing after love and started accepting love.  I couldn’t tell you the day, the decision, the moment, the impetus.  One day I just realized I was allowing people to love me, I was allowing God to love me.  Then my heart burst open and I wanted more.  Getting more means being vulnerable.  Now that can be a daily (hourly) challenge.  It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable.  It takes bravery to share our story – because once we share our truth it is out there to be embraced or rejected.  I have been both.  What I know to be true is God already knows my truth, long before I allow myself to be vulnerable enough to realize my own truth and courageous enough to share it.  And God loves me in my truth, even the broken parts of me.  In my brokenness God can introduce wholeness.

Love

 

 

What do you understand about who God is?

            For me God is Love.  A love so powerful I couldn’t walk away from it (I tried), I couldn’t deny it (I tried), I couldn’t drown it out with other idols (I tried), I couldn’t escape it through anger (I tried), I couldn’t reject it (I tried) and I can’t live without it (I tried).  For me God is love; all consuming, relentless, passionate, everlasting love.  Thanks be to God!

Relationship

 

 

How could you be playful in showing love to others today?

            I am so blessed to be a mother.  Our God is a playful and funny God.  I am a serious person who tends to take things way too seriously.  Can’t do that with kids.  I think God graced my life with children to keep me from taking myself too seriously and missing out on a lot of life.  Best mom moments ever?  When your kids belt out the deep belly giggle.  Nothing in this world like it.  You laugh so hard you cry.  Playful love.

Acceptance

 

What is your reminder that you are loved?

            “God adores you…that’s the truth.”  If we open ourselves up to be loved by God we can see it everywhere.  Everywhere.  The truth is it’s a choice we make.  A dear friend of mine asks “are you going to bless it or block it?”  Indeed.  Am I going to open myself up to the powerful love of God and be forever transformed?  Risky.  Amazing.  Or am I going to close myself off and block the love?  I remember my life when I was blocking the love.  I don’t choose to go back there.