My firstborn is 12

My firstborn just turned 12 years old. I have been her mother for 12 years. She made me a mother. Before her I had no idea what the word Mother, Mommy, Mama, Mom...even meant.

The 9 months I carried her within my body seemed to me to last 9 years and yet the last 12 years of living with her and for her has seemed to pass in just 12 seconds.

12 years means she is more vividly her own person than I have ever let myself believe before. She has her own mind, her own talents, her own opinions on the world and me. Her own truths, her own perspectives and she embarks on her own journey with God. I feel as though I am becoming her staff and rod in this life. How much time do I have left with her to teach her, show her, help her experience? I will always love her, my hearts first real love, I pray she will always want my love, always include my love in her life.

I always say God gave me the gift of my first child, my first daughter, to teach me patience. I had to wait to get pregnant with her. I had to wait for her first movement in my womb. I had to wait for her to be born (2 weeks late!). I had to wait for her first breath of air, her first feeding, her first full night of sleep, her first smile (that others couldn't say was just gas), her first word (Dada!), her first steps (14m). Now I hope I can wait so much longer for her first heartbreak, her first voyage out of innocence into the cruel world, her first dose of reality into human nature, her first failure that cracks her dreams of who she can be so that she can become who she is meant to be.

She is a beautiful gift from God entrusted to my care in this crazy, broken world. I pray for patience to guide her in the path of righteousness and right relationship with her Creator, her Savior and Redeemer, her Guiding Spirit. I pray I keep my heart and mind open to the lessons she has to teach me. I pray she knows the earth moved and the heavens rejoiced the moment she took her first breath, I pray she still sees the look of pure, unconditional love on her father's face the way I did the moment she appeared in this world. I pray her footprint is soft and caring, sharing her love and hope and future with all who are blessed to join in her journey.