surrender to the call

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

This quote sums up my surrender to my call beautifully.

I've always known there was something I was supposed to do, some purpose I couldn't really put my finger on. I grew up Roman Catholic and for a few tween years thought I was going to be a nun. That seemed my only choice, but then as I grew a little older I knew for certain I was supposed to be a mother, that meant being a wife and that pretty much rules out the convent.

I first worshiped in the Episcopal Church at age 19, an Easter service. I loved it and started hanging around more to see what the church was all about. Then I met a female priest! My life has never been the same. It was in my late 20s I began to suspect God was still calling me to serve him in ministry, not as a nun, but now I had other ways to serve; lay ministry, deacon, priest. All were viable, real options. It took many years of discernment and lots of active ministry work to help me define my call.

I keep praying and listening and trying to follow where God is leading the best I can. But I didn't have the courage to say "Here I am Lord, is it me Lord?" until it was more painful to stay rooted where I was than to take a leap of faith into where God wanted me to be. The risk in telling my family and friends and my church what I knew God was calling me to do felt huge to me, but there came a point when not following God was no longer an option. Now I feel a sense of freedom I have never known in my life before.