Most of us - even if we never attended sunday school know about Abraham and his son Isaac. Usually if we know about Sarah it is because we learned of when she laughed at God when he was a visitor to Abraham.
"They said to him, "Where is your wife Sarah?" And he said, "There, in the tent." Then one said, "I will surely return to you in due season, and your wife Sarah shall have a son." And Sarah was listening at the tent entrance behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age; it had ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women." So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I have grown old, and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?" The Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, and say, "Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old? Is anything too wonderful for the Lord? At the set time I will return to you, in due season, and Sarah shall have a son." But Sarah denied saying, "I did not laugh"; for she was afraid. He said, "Oh yes, you did laugh." Genesis 18:9-15 (NRSV)
This is so reminiscent of last week studying Eve:
"Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent tricked me, and I ate." Genesis 3:13
There is SO much I want to unpack and talk about with Abram (Abraham), Sarai (Sarah) and Hagar - but here is where I have to sit for awhile. Here is where I have to ask myself - when have I sinned and then tried to either deny my sin or blame my sin on someone else? When have I done what I know is wrong in the sight of God and justified my actions through thought, word or deed? And even enlisted others to support me? Asking others to join in my justification. It reminds me of the saying "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."
Unfortunately I can answer those questions. Look at Eve - she is just down right scared of the repercussions of her sin when God so blatantly asks her what she has done so she plays the blame game. Look at Sarah she is thinking - I am old, I am in menopause, my husband is old, I have accepted that I am barren and lived with that my entire life (please remember in Sarah's life - her very worth was determined by her ability to bear children, her thoughts and daily life were consumed with the fact that she was barren and I am sure she was constantly reminded of this fact by others). I am not surprised she laughed, how many times have we laughed when we thought something was out of this world and had no chance of happening? The interesting part is God has heard her - and she knows he has heard her - he is outside with the men - she is inside the tent, God tells her what she said and she automatically denies it. How many times have we been faced with our sin by someone who sees us do it and calls us on it and we knee jerk react with a "no I didn't do that, you saw that wrong, you heard that wrong, you didn't examine my intentions, you don't know the whole story."
What I find interesting is God does not let her off the hook. He replies "Oh yes, you did laugh." You can't fool God. You can fool the whole world anytime you really want to try, but you can NOT fool God. And there is no ambiguity He is very specific about what he is calling Sarah out on.
This week I studied Sarah on Monday and Hagar on Tuesday. There is so much more to talk about, I haven't even touched on Hagar yet - but God used these two bible studies to call me out. About 2-3 years ago I broke a relationship with someone and justified my actions by claiming I was providing this person Autonomy. Autonomy as I had been taught:
Autonomy
You are unique. God created you with specific gifts and talents. God entrusts you with the abundant blessing he pours into your life. God honors your personal freedom. The choices you make determine the shape of your life. God honors your personal freedom. So do we.
Now reading this you must wonder, how could I screw this up. It sounds great, right? But the way I was taught autonomy - or the way I perceived autonomy was being taught to me - it meant that to honor someone I had to leave them alone to do their own thing and not bother them, especially if their own thing didn't match up to my own thing or what I thought their own thing ought to be.
I had someone in my life who needed help and I ran to help. And when I say ran, I mean I didn't stop to pray to God and ask any questions. Not the question of "do I help?", "if yes, how do I help?" I just rushed in acting as though I was going to save this person; physically, emotionally and spiritually. They didn't like my help, in fact they got very angry and told me where I could go and I responded with "fine, I respect your autonomy, I am out of here." Everyone in my life knew both of us and sided with my response - so I felt justified. I really did have good intentions. I sincerely wanted to help them and I had no problem seeing what needed fixing and knew exactly how to do it. The problem is - I didn't ask the person's permission before I started fixing. I didn't treat this person with respect or dignity in regards to the decision making process. Instead of walking alongside this person on their journey and being a support person, I tried to drag them down the path I thought was perfect for them. I felt this person was in the mess they were because of poor decision making, I judged their choices. When they needed help I swooped in to show them the error of their ways and was going to make decisions for them until they "got it" on their own.
How presumptuous, how judgmental, how disrespectful and how sinful to God. I might have had "good" intentions but I did not have "God" intentions. Well of course the whole thing backfired - this is part of Sarah and Hagar's story too - I will have to do another whole blog. When you don't listen to God and seek His counsel and you just run on forward with your own plan - well I know what happens to me, my plans backfire. My good intentions became a broken relationship.
God gave me Sarah and Hagar and Eve this week to show me the error of my ways. To call me forth to surrender my pride and my ego. God walked next to me and said "Where are you?", "What is this that you have done?" and "Oh yes, you did." I will go deeper into Sarah and Hagar's stories in another blog about running away, doing your own thing and then calling out to God; about answered prayers and surrendering to what you can not understand - trusting in your faith.
What I know to be true is this - when God walked next to me and spoke to me this week He also demanded I step up my game and repent. I called this person with whom I had transgressed and I invited them out to lunch and in their grace they accepted. I was given the opportunity to say "I am sorry" without justifying my actions, without trying to redeem myself, just "I am sorry". And when they had heard that from me I asked "Please forgive me." I have admitted to you how hard this is for me, just ask my husband. This person has not changed their life choices and in loving them as Christ loves them I accept and acknowledge that and afford them the dignity and respect they deserve as a Child of God. I do not know that the two of us will ever have a real relationship. I am not sure if we can as our life choices are so different. But what I do know is this:
"But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved."
Ephesians 2: 4-6 (NRSV)
"For by grace you have been saved through faith,
"For by grace you have been saved through faith,
and this is not your own doing;
it is the gift of God."
it is the gift of God."
Ephesians 2:8 (NRSV)
No comments:
Post a Comment