Lightning Rod

I keep wondering why did God choose a girl like me?  I don't get it?  How does God take someone like me - someone who does not like conflict, does not like to speak out, does not like to make waves, who does not like to agitate, does not like to point out what is not true, who does not like to challenge people, who does not like to rock the boat, who does not.... well you get the picture.

God chose me as a Lightning Rod.  A pebble in your shoe.  A wave maker, a fire starter, a rock the boat kind of girl.  More and more I can't keep my mouth shut.  I helped facilitate a leadership retreat yesterday (me, the girl who likes to sit in the back of the room, last to speak up, will ask the question after class, and inwardly groans every time someone says breakout group time).  Now I am the girl at the front of the room presenting ideas and sharing my theology.  Seriously?  I was speaking at one point yesterday and the words weren't planned, but they were what I believe, part of my theology you could say, a spearhead of my own call.  I was just speaking and someone in the group said something to the effect of "gee thanks Holly no pressure there."

In that moment I felt the hand of God and heard "well done good and faithful servant."  That is my job as deacon, to proclaim the gospel and challenge my brothers and sisters to live counter cultural lives and lead by example.

Always before I speak to a group or present a homily I do my homework.  I study, I read, I write, I analyze, I spend hours.  I also pray and meditate.  I do my due diligence, I put in my hard work and my effort.  I prepare as well as I can.  But before I go in front of a group or before I step foot on the altar I pray.  I ask God to bless the work I have prepared and I surrender the work to God, asking God to put the words He would have me to speak into my mouth and to prepare the hearts of those who are in the room that needed to hear what She had prepared for them.  In the end I surrender and get out of God's way.  It isn't my work, it is God's work. 

And this is the only reason I can embrace my role as Lightning Rod.  It isn't about me.  It isn't about whether or not people like me or even like what I have to say.  This is so much bigger than me.  God is shaking things up, all powerful, all mighty, Creator of the world.  I am just a co-creator.  In the end the pot does not ask the potter why did you create me, why did you choose to place me here?  The pot says "thank you" and asks to be filled for a purpose.  It is when I embrace my purpose, my call, that I can enjoy and be enjoyed.  It is in the beauty of the vision of my Creator that I shine.  On my own I am just a pot, sitting on a shelf, gathering dust, seen by a few, who will forget me as quick as they noticed me.  My Creator though, my Creator loves me for the creation I am and rejoices when I fulfill my purpose.  We create quite the energy together - you could even say it's electric!